Chestbursty

Clara AKA Fluffy, a brown cat

Look at her

*Claire Danes face* I'm not upset

cover of The Jungle by Upton Sinclair with a picture of Slash and Acxl Rose

the three second rule starts over if you’re not ready

Robert Stack from Unsolved Mysteries standing in an alleyway with a fog behind him

Nobody was walking through mysterious fog like him

whispering to my date whenever Nic Cage or John Travolta are on screen: “that’s face off”

I wish for normal, whatever that is

Maybe the real nightmare before Christmas is the teenagers who were murdered by Freddy Kruger along the way

Up to 1974 in my rewatch of the news

millipedes don't have a thousand yard stare

they have a thousand foot stare

I have to say, the highlight of the Christmas Lights Parade was the little boy yelling “Throw me your elf! I’m gonna eat that bitch!”

care instructions label on the inside of some pants that says "garment contains dye stuff which may rub off"

when the garment contains dye stuff 🤌

An orange and white cat sleeps on his back on a purple and white blanket

This is my perfect little angel baby who is also a complete and total little shit sometimes. I have other pets who I love but this is my heart animal

We need to verb more nouns. Like “Sorry I can’t go to your party I’m baked beansing that night.” Or “I totally cunted my way through that job interview.”

Seeing Weird Al do Killing in the Name was great but I’m gonna need to hear Zack de la Rocha’s take on Eat It to see who is better

I am particularly fond of those times when a poet is compelled by the Spirit of Great Horniness to produce a work just a few hairs shy of pure pornography (Charles Simic)

Aah France. I love France. The Eiffel Tower, the Riviera, the vineyards, the fields of baguettes, the cigarette trees.

I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.

Scheduled my birthday dinner for 4pm so there is much more time for crying.

Hey people with chickens would you like to start a cult

Paul Dano talking to the press while Tarantino grimaces in the background like some kind of hobgoblin or troll

lmao

a turkey stuffed with an enormous octopus with tentacles hanging out that frankly is pretty distressing

behold. the turktopus

I believe in you and your dumbass dreams

Going back to dial-up so I get my bad news slower

The painting Saturn Devouring His Son but with a sunny side up egg over the top of his son

Saturn Devouring His Sunny Side Up

Letters to Moms: A Letter to Kevin McCallister’s Mom In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different ...

"I thought you were the worst mom in the world. But decades have passed, and Kate—if I can call you Kate, since we're peers now—I need you to know how sorry I am, because now I'm a mom, too, and I get it."
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/a-l...

my dog has fleas so i’m teaching it to play the ukulele

the monster under my bed was chastened for a time after Halloween but it is active again and shaking the bed just to screw with me. i am trying to ignore it

Halle Berry is short for Hallelujah Strawberry. The more you know.

I want them to look. I want them to see and regret missing how delightful I am. To unblock me and interact with me once more. So THEN I can block them