Chestbursty

If you swap round the letters of their names, the artist who sounds most like an apple dessert is Pom Tetty

i’ve had cats so long that people i like think they’re boring me because of my slow blinking

Podcast that's just reviews of covers of Careless Whisper

Hey baby, I know you’re already thinking of Valentine’s Day and I don’t want you to stress over chocolates and flowers and such cause my own orchestra is all I need

So is there a Mr Andrist?

gonna lose my shit if Bad Bunny brings out Bugs Bunny as a special guest at the Super Bowl

Me: you are the only random stranger I will accept this behavior from

6yo I’ve never met who is chatting and walking with me around the playground: I just really like walking with random strangers

Being a third wheel is great bc I can just sit and play with my phone and nobody notices or remembers I exist

i bought my dad an air fryer for christmas so he would eat some vegetables but all he cooks in it is potato chips and chicken wings

Far Side Cartoon by Gary Larson. 3 cows are grazing in a field. One cow has raised her head with a look of concerned realization. Mouth still full, she says, "Hey, wait a minute! This is grass! We've been eating grass!" to the apparent surprise of the other cows.

cow foods

This mixed curling is off. The. Hook.

too much money makes you insane, AI also makes you insane, so it's no surprise that our current crop of techbro elite have the most cooked brains in human history

What we got here is your standard MacGyver situation. There’s a pink cardboard box race car that needs straps. Sitting on the patio table is the car an old backpack that has the straps cut off and ropes attached to create the straps for the shoulder. Also pictured on the table is a beautiful buck, knife, and gorilla tape.

Time to get creative.

People: Size doesn't matter.

Mount Everest: lmao ok

A circular embroidered patch featuring a stylized illustration of Mount Everest in shades of grey, white, and blue. Below the mountain is a small human skull. Red text around the border reads "MOUNT EVEREST" on top and "BODY COUNT: 405+" on the bottom. The patch has a thick red stitched border.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Mount Everest Patch. Look, I'm not one to slut shame. But damn Mount Everest, 405?
collabs.shop/biymzl

she is beauty,
she is grace
she might stab you in the face

She is beauty, she is grace
She'll put a hatchet in your face

i bet the kitchen floors in those curlers homes are immaculate

the lead singer of Three Doors Down died. the lead singer of Three Dog Night died on the 2nd. if i were in Third Eye Blind or Three Six Mafia i'd be very nervous about this specific rule of threes

me: i really love the rhythm of picking up my library holds. going to a little shelf, finding the thing that's got my name on it, checking it out. him: Me too! I really love putting a book on a hold, and then forgetting about it and then getting the nice surprise of a notification that the book that I wanted to read is here waiting for me. It's like a thoughtful gift. "how did you know I wanted to read this!"

oh nothing just two old men crushing on the public library

They should make a snooze button that hits you in the throat

If i was a phone setting I'm pretty sure i'd be confusing and infuriating too

'Play on playa'

- The inventor of beach volleyball

a watched skeet never bangs

Oh cool a really rare rock formation with unique properties, let’s mine it for sports.

If your menu doesn't have anything specifying gluten free but your waitstaff says you will accommodate, I'm just going to eat fruit since I don't trust your ability to not make me shit my guts out for three days

[ whispering instructions to moth ]

It’s easy to look back and be unhappy about how you spent your time without realizing that it was the happiest way you could spend it at that time.

My factory reset isn't working.