minkitypinkity ❤️

I’d be an unhappy if it was a pro trump one! I have one magnet on my car—a Canadian flag

How do you feel about magnets on your car

It would never work—I’d move in, fill up your fridge with magnets and then when I ran out of room I’d go looking for a man with a bigger fridge

Hello, you have reached the Centre for Disease Control and Total World Domination, how may we help you?

I read horror for fun, but nothing chills me like knowing so many of you are responsible for raising children.

When I was younger I wanted to change the world. Now I just want everyone to leave me alone.

a timeshare for normal serotonin levels

😂

high above us the stars are like go back to bed

I got them long tall neuroses/legs

they probably had it coming

What if the reason you’ve never met your soulmate is because they were slowly trampled to death by a Galapagos tortoise?

I didn’t know that. Sounds like it! You’d think they would be trying to get more users not less 😂

😂

😂

Eat a dick

@bsky.app I got blocked from the app and I’m not in Mississippi—I’m in Memphis Tennessee. Currently using Graysky to access my account. Can you stop kicking off Tennessee ppl please and thank you

my family has an annual christmas tradition where we all gather around a burning volkswagen van in the street & my uncle tells the story of the time a dragster tire fell through the roof of my grandma’s house & killed a cat burglar who was about to steal her turquoise nose ring.

there’s a time to be silly and a time to ̶b̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶stuff cotton balls in your ears

there should be adult bathtub toys like miniature billionaires we can pretend to drown

look I have better things to do than “care about stuff”

NEVER

can I put out my Halloween stuff yet

"Where have you been all my life?"

In a secure psychiatric unit. Next question.

My favourite people at work are the ones who go out of their way to avoid me.

Can’t decide whether I need a hug or a straitjacket.

wake me up when i can eternal sunshine someone out of my head

I shouldn’t be driving a Mazda, I should be lying down in the back of a hearse

no one tells you your life’s gonna turn into a menopause mounjaro breast cancer salad as you rocket into your 50’s. Stay in your 30’s kids. Stay there as long as you can

(seducing you with one compression sock)