Bart

me: *eating fresh mackerel* this must be what penguin tastes like

So what exactly happens when you reach the 19th hour and you're wearing an eighteen hour bra?

Me: I need the utmost privacy in phones, chats, searches

Also me: posts every thought that enters my mind online

Boss- it’s time to discuss benefits for 2026

Me- snorts Xanax

No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.

I don’t run very often but when I do it’s roughshod.

White people be like how old is this coffee

The fact that the DC press is not working overtime to demand an end to this presidency over the disgusting "Quiet piggy" outburst just underscores that they are useless, servile lapdogs.

Anyone else saving 30+ articles of clothing for that magical day when you’ve lost enough weight so that you can fit in them again?

Create the problem

Fix the problem

Take credit for fixing the problem

Peter Crisp

I’m making a scrapbook of all the messages my boyfriend likes. He spent so much time on that, I don’t want to forget

Babies are so weak. You don't hear me crying every time I crap my pants

I'm holding my life together with duct tape and tequila. You?

just butting in to say leave me out of it

You haven't been reposting me are you OK?

Male pattern kindness

“Still punk as fuck!!!”

-me, while loading my weekly pill organizer

I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.

Johnson can't hide from the Epstein vote forever. And the longer he keeps the House on recess the worse they look. Sort of a win-win. Outside of all the people suffering while they play games,of course.

Someday*, we’ll look back on everything that’s going on in America right now, and say, “What in the actual fuck?”

*today

Thank god I have an extra hour to worry about everything

Thanks to my British friends for teaching me the term “car park”. It means a lot.

The biggest problem we have as a society is that “colonel” is spelled like that and no one’s doing a damn thing about it.

Thank you! 🥰

Wanna follow some fun accounts? Here are some of our faves with under 10k followers

*pls DM if you'd like to be removed
go.bsky.app/CW9mrXb

her: have you been moisturizing?

me: oh no...that's just pizza grease.

to those wondering; some of us are still shitposting from the US and it’s not easy to do it with what is happening here
your support is appreciated more than you can imagine
a blank attempt at humor is all that is left for many of us, but we’re working on it

there are no illegal people. There are people.