Bart

[meeting]
Boss: Anything you want to add?
Me: [furrows brow in vain attempt to look thoughtful]
Boss: Why did you say "furrows brow in vain att

fuck around and get a presidential pardon

please excuse me while i slip into something a little more comfortable (a bathtub filled with hotdog water)

A proverb is just a regular verb that got really really good at being a verb.

I talk pretty tough for someone who named all the squirrels in the park after characters in Broadway musicals.

I hate when people don't exclude me from the conversation.

Trump’s Theory: Everyone is like me. Everyone cheats. So, if you’re not cheating for me, you’re cheating for them.

INVENTOR OF VITAMINS: So the first one is good for the eyes. Any ideas what to call it.

GARY: It's the first one so just call it Vitamin A

INVENTOR: I like it. Simple. Makes sense.

ME: *crumpling my note that says 'Vitamin See'* Fuck you Gary

Big Beautiful Death of American Democracy

When I post after a few drinks at night I always wake up and take a look at what I need to delete.

The pronunciations of
should and shoulder
is why I have trust issues.

But also my entire dating history.

Sorry I thought your wife was your mom

I’m quite proud of the fact that I’ve managed to get this far in life without hearing a Dave Matthews song in its entirety.

me: how much chowder do you think that hot tub holds?

realtor:

Not to brag, but my kids just listened to me the very seventh time I asked.

I do self-deprecating jokes sometimes, not because I don’t like me, but because I like me enough not to take myself too seriously.

If you can laugh at yourself in a good-natured way, you’ve found the right formula.

I lit a candle with another candle, and now I feel like a wizard.

Anything is possible when you’re indecisive.

Super Oz

91.ONE WNXP Nashville's NPR Music station. Music discovery is our thing. Listener powered, member supported.

wnxp.org

NPR and Alternative Music! It doesn’t get any better!

WNXP playing Wu-Tang Clan before lunch makes my day

A party game where you have to guess the medicine by the side effects

*hisses at Monday morning

If you’re happy and you know it…

Watch the news!

In the year 2028 a ballpark hotdog is $45.75 and a costco hotdog is still $1.50 with a soda

We're gonna need a bigger apocalypse

Perspiring is just your body's way of making sure you don't have too many friends

I sent you 36 pics of me in various wedding dresses.

Please respond.