Leen McBeans

a prescription for someone to run their fingers through my hair while we watch tv

If after we blow your boat up you still float, you are a witch, so we can kill you. If you drown you are not a witch.

YouTube Wrapped

You spent 2,186 minutes watching:
Donald Duck Eating Corn On The Cob (ASMR)

We believe your reason for watching this was:
Not Sexual

a combination urgent care and taco bell

I'm at the combination

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will immediately start selling his body for money to pay for his costly new habit or whatever the book said

The real Hallmark miracle is the way a man with no social media and perfect forearms can make me forget my 6-figure job and 401(k) in under 60 seconds.

Once again my haters have tricked me into loving them

me explaining moby dick even though i only know the first sentence: ishmael is just his nickname his real name is moby dick

thanks frend ☺️🫶

Us and Britney 🥳🥳🥳

AWHHH YEEE BDAY TWINS, BB! 👯‍♂️

eternal sunshining myself so I’m surprised and delighted every time I meet my neighbor’s golden retriever

Two simpsons frames. Top: Homer (S Korea) and two other Springfield nuclear power plant workers (Brazil, France) cheer with joy as they hear over the PA “every country who’s arrested and imprisoned a president this year may leave early!” Bottom: a dejected man (USA) stands quietly while japan, Brazil, and France run off happily.

we could have good things, too, you know

an ad for a slushy drink that reads THE BLUE THING IS BACK!

james cameron every couple of years for some reason:

(encountering anyone) well this guy must be dealing with a lot

Remember when you didn't have to decline 100 offers a day to use software

me asking santa to run me over with his sleigh for christmas: powerpuff cartoon drawing on a piece of paper

✨

NBC News headline reads: "Costco sues the Trump administration, seeking a refund of tariffs The wholesaler is the latest company to sue a federal agency over the president's signature economic policy."

if you ate a costco hotdog, you may be entitled to compensation

How the Grinch Swole Christmas

I miss soft blocking people

I can’t believe I’m the same species as some of the people I interact with on FB Marketplace

It's funny how I don't see anybody say shit like "oh what you couldn't just Google that?" anymore because everybody knows Google is just AI soup now and who the shit knows what it'll tell you.

It’s my birthday I can use dark humor as a valid coping mechanism if I want to 🎶

I’m sad no one else laughed at this and took it too seriously but appreciate the sentiment from you regardless boo

“Even yours”

I don’t care if dark humor makes you sad. I don’t know you. Your empty validations to strangers online are condescending and disingenuous, at best. Get tf outta here with that bs please ✲ﾟƬʜᵃℕҡ ყօϋ

what’s this

Any man that comments "not all men" is definitely that man that just shrugs with an uncomfy smile when his buddy is talking about how hot a 17yo is instead of telling him how gross he is.

girl with the chinese character she thinks means “courage” but actually means “garlic” tattoo

I had a whole diatribe locked and loaded ready to go but I took a breath, and I just put my phone down about it instead.

Shoutout to all the men who did not feel the need to reply to this with “oh, that’s me, I never say anything, see, I’m one of the good ones”

Unfortunately, that’s not all men.