Fats Gordo

"kill them with kindness" wrong. bat attack
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I will be attending the No Kings rally specifically to protest Stephen

Rotating a blunt in my mind

edited comic panel. Batman is breaking a lump-with-handle cow tool over his knee and saying "this is the tool of the cow. we do not understand it. we will not use it."

it's not FOR us

Basically I disavow my followers

homer doesn’t sleep anymore

Started taking fiber suppliments and now I shit like an angel

c'mon son, you've been in there for 45 minutes. there are other people in this house who need to use the shower to hide from a nightmarish reality I can no longer accept

Millennial midlife crisis is realizing "oh god, I'm barely halfway done!"

got invited to the goblin group chat but none of them speak common so I'm just fire reacting random shit

STEVE HARVEY: something with 8 legs you don’t want to see in your bedroom
ME, BUZZING IN IMMEDIATELY: 4 men fucking my wife

do i experience toxicity on here? well let's just say i have thirty thousand followers and yet all of my posts have fewer than thirty thousand favs. have you ever heard of gang stalking

in therapy, bells go off, the room lights up, the ceiling is flashing different colors, I'm actually in Cash Therapy the only show where you compete in therapy for real cash prizes

*Bane voice* Ah, I have found you on Linkedin!

Sign that says "do not throw rocks at Professor Pumpkin" in front of an anamatronic pumpkin

Don't do it

Sorry if I'm ever slow to reply on here. I'm posting from the prison in Kung Fu Panda

they should always let this happen

I put a nickel in my computer every time I use this website?? Are you not getting them??

People take this website way too seriously. I'm just here to post my silly little jokes, have a good time, become a better person, find true love, secure my financial future, achieve all my long term goals, gain all knowledge in the universe, and then remake the universe in my own image.

YODA: circumcised are you
ME: That's a private matter, Yoda.
YODA: absent of skin a jedi must be
ME: Not interested. Go away, Yoda.
YODA: take off your shorts you must
YODA: show it to me you will
YODA: going where are you
YODA: your penis I must see
YODA: cut your long pink pipe must be
YODA: mmMm

Carry on my way weird son

remember going to Walmart and the cashier would suck you off right at the register

Be kind - Everyone is fighting a gorilla you can't see

The internet kinda ruined the word 'goon' for me. I don't like to think the Joker's henchmen are in any way associated with the Something Awful forums

Wheat paste poster that says the all the world is dying and the new world struggles to be born now is the time of monsters. There's a picture of Elmo

Morning walk

My zoomer coworkers have started calling me "ancient and wicked". They pour salt around my desk and burn pictures of me in their candles

How come there weren't other furniture based empires? Whyonly Ottomans?

From the damp part of the basement, I stab at thee!

I could probably pass a drug test. I know most of them