brainplan

close to Pete Alonso levels of concerning

BUT the Blue Jays in the Series means Phillies legends Seranthony Domínguez and Jeff Hoffman are one step closer to getting rings and that would also be neat

full disclosure: not pulling for either team way more than the other but I do think it’d be neat for the Ms to get to their first ever WS

Mariners, you gotta come back and win this so you can use the sick burn I thought of for you to use on the Blue Jays (it’s “more like the Toronto Boob Jays, amirite”)

Naylor jumping into a throw and then attempting the hidden ball trick, lmao, I hope he keeps doing goofy ass stuff

I had a childhood friend who made a mix tape once (an actual cassette tape, I’m old) and on the insert he listed Jump by Van Halen as “Minuswell Jump” so that’s what it’s been for me ever since

pic of a white dude from the shoulders up; he’s smiling and wearing a black t-shirt and a plush Cap’n Crunch hat, which gives him the refined look of a sea cap’n

“look at me…LOOK at me

I’m the Cap’n now”

several over the years, including more than one currently and that’s probably all I should say about that

and I am saying this as a guy who loves a good diarrhea joke; that video decidedly ain’t it

new frontiers of uniquely off-putting badness

and just to be clear, as well as to preempt any pedants who are tempted to argue: I am not saying the video is the worst thing that’s happened in the past nine months, it’s just bad in a way I hadn’t considered last November or in January

I knew a second Trump term was going to be bad, of course, but I did not anticipate we’d be at “diarrhea jet video” just nine months into it

“if Wentz doesn’t throw those turnovers, it’d be a much closer game”

thank you for those insights, Fox studio football guys

Fall Down, from their excellent 1994 album Dulcinea, for the record

Fox just played Toad The Wet Sprocket going into the commercial break, hell yeah

bringing back “Wentzylvania” just for today

YouTube video by pdx John Ashcroft

hey sorry I’m late, once again: go birds

I got slapped with one once for telling a transphobe to eat shit, I regret nothing

this is the McDonald’s version of the DeNiro/Pacino diner scene in Heat

and if you want lard chips you don’t have to buy the Nazi ones, you can buy the ones made by a kindly PA Dutch grandma

see, this is why the NLCS shoulda been Brewers/Phillies, Phillies woulda made it interesting by failing to show up for at least one of the games, probably two or more

my advice to anyone going to No Kings or any other protests remains the same:

make sure the most photogenic member of your group has an ice cold Pepsi on their person at all times, ready to hand to law enforcement should de-escalating a tense situation be necessary

man in a wizard of oz munchkin costume—prominent forehead, grotesquely curled hair, elf shoes, the whole nine yards—is holding a lollipop and saying “sup gurl”

anyway, most people don’t know this and it’s an easy way to get you and your kids a shit ton of candy, you’re welcome

your annual reminder that if you are attending a trunk or treat event and approach a car and declare “trunk,” the owners of that car are legally obligated to give you all of the candy in their trunk*

*law varies from state to state but PA is a “full trunk” state

a clown with a giant forehead

I made this without ai and I think it’s transformational

partial screenshot of a social media post from the Office of the Governor of Pennsylvania account (Josh Shapiro) that begins “In just 2.5 years, we’ve put Pennsylvania back on the map.”

great news, I bought a PA map last year & it was blank & when I took it back to the map store to exchange it they said “we can’t do an exchange, they’re all blank, Pennsylvania is not on the map” but now I can go get a map & not have that problem, thank you Office of the Governor of Pennsylvania

“I was married, but I'm not married anymore. Women don't like the vehicle.”

detail screenshot of the post above cropped to show the name LUCY LEE FLIPPIN

when Lucy Lee loses her shit