Gelatin Bean 🏳️‍⚧️ 🦔

When you’re dead tired and cuddling with me I hope you know I got you. Ya lion man’s here. 🦁 and by that i mean you may also hear rumbly snoring.

Only our own brains and hearts that it is possible

Real talk those should be real

I know he’s foaming at the mouth but the dog’s MASCARA GAME. I mean!

(Bread blimp drifts into view)

Oh I gotchu bud

(Quietly) sandwich party

(Tuna truck comes rumbling up)

Uhm

(Looking at the delivery invoice)

(Looking at the cement truck full of mayonnaise)

Uhm

Amazing!!!

You been shreddin that mad guitar, yo?

Me: (tries to pepper spray a murderer)

Me: (the canister is facing the wrong way)

Murderer, watching me writhe and scream on the ground: ah

Murderer, witnessing the gloopy tears and snob erupting from me: oh ew

Murderer: (lets me live because everything is far too embarrassing now)

In this book I’m reading, where NORMALLY the male author writes women like normal people, this one is a little bit…. Not his best. In that regard. But it’s very slight but it still sucks

If you give me $20 I will cry and buy a used video game or a book and tell you all about it as I enjoy it.

The dental hygienist briefly cupped my face in her hand and MY HEART

I am 34, yall.

I sweat too much and I hate it

At one point I was playing Valhalla and listening to my audiobook (The Housemaid is Watching) and just having the best time. 🙂🙂🙂☺️

Generosity!

Tonight’s reason my mom won’t talk to me:

We are watching Midsomer Murders which led to this banger:

What’s worse than blackmail?

A white male.

If you guys send pics of your cats I will give them warrior cat names lol. My friend’s cat is Fleetstep

Can I sub in red baron frozen pizza and ranch? You can have some too

When I’m between flirting with and dating someone do I tell her my bsky name so she sees how engagingly witty I am, or do I keep it to myself so I can talk about her aaaaaaall the time with you all?

But now you’ve gone somewhere I cannot follow 😔

Omg you guys there was a whole fucking little area in the first zone in Avowed that I straight up found for the first time today. I found a key without looking up where it is. I’m getting better at parrying. 💕🤓

I don’t want to Make Things but I still want to be Eating Things.

[Me, pointing at me] cute, but… no that’s it 🥺☺️

If I knew how to make a spreadsheet I would have one too :)

I’m not a popular account so idk if any of my skeets are bangers. But I send the ones I think are really funny to my therapist and so far she has laughed at them all, so 💅

Something I actually said to myself after I got it: “oh, this one’s a thinker”

How to catch me. 🪤

🥤🐸🐈📚☔️