Questing Turtle

writing it "f*ck" sickens me. a coward's curse. say fuck or find a different word. get that nasty starfish asshole out of my sight

genuinely beautiful that new york elected a muslim lefty mayor the same day that dick cheney died

is that good

if you don’t spend several hours a day on your phone you’ll miss all the Crap and Bullshit

my son is so cute, he makes all the other kids look like dogshit. the note from daycare literally says this

No internet at home... Can't work... too tired to do anything else (i.e., clean), can't take a nap because our water meter is supposed to get replaced before 4pm... So I'm just kinda sittin here

You're writing this down right? Good. As I was saying my car sucked so bad my wife left me. Yes I can spell my name for you.

I can't believe I finally got The Disease after 5+ years. I'm no longer moral. This sucks.

Seriously what recourse do you have as a non aggressive driver other than the humble flip off? Our one retort taken away from us. I guess there's always the passive aggressive thumbs up.

Now we learned to never flip off anyone with the baby in the car lest we all be murdered, apparently

Great example you're setting the next generation of dipshit jerks

Jesus we just got road-raged by a cybertruck asshole (surprise). He was tailgating us (we were going the speed limit) & then he passed us illegally and C flipped him off, and then at the next light he got out of his car and yelled "it's a good thing I have my kids in the car!!" Bro YOU raged US!!

Illustration of a wooly (sometimes spelled woolly) bear caterpillar. It's fuzzy and cute and has a happy little smile. There's lines radiating around it and above it says "it's wooly time!" in lowercase hand lettering. The background is a light orange checkered pattern.

I've been seeing my favorite fuzzy friends around! 🍂🐛

in retrospect i think the "zombie" tv/movie craze that encouraged everyone to fantasize about how theyd murk all their neighbors, hole up in their house and eventually run into the woods , was a mistake

Just having a normal one, crying and singing Bobby Vinton to my baby

this is why we need to bring back shame

there need to be consequences for being a huge asshole, there need to be standards for how you behave in a decent society

the rules cannot be set by the worst of us

ha ha guys, what if you took Tylenol on purpose to make your baby autistic so it was good at video games and liked trains and stuff lol??? OK good one! I feel like we've got that joke covered now!!

I am so sick of the internet and all humans (except my baby). Maybe I'll just scroll through pictures of my baby to get some digital dopamine.

Had the "pleasure" of speaking with my first AI call center bot to reschedule my water meter installation. Wow, it was really stupid!

Glad my baby already got his 😎

Oh no I still feel this way and it's bedtime

a close up of a cartoon character 's face with a dark background ALT: a close up of a cartoon character 's face with a dark background

Caffeine and sleep combo got me like

one of the ten best shows of all time

There's stuff in Andor Season 2, images, moments, as good as anything on television ever. Not grading on the Mandalorian curve, grading on the Mad Men curve.

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is it, detective? Can you make it out?"

BULLET - "if you read this you are gay lmao"

1. "It, um, doesn't say anything."

2. "Transgender ideology. My old foe."

3. [Espirit de Corps - Medium 10] "I think you should read it for yourself, Kim."

Finally caving to my hUsBaNd and going to the doctor for my very extended illness. Last time I came they diagnosed me incorrectly so I'm excited to see what happens this time!

Constant struggle not to say “took my kid to the vet yesterday” when we had a pediatrician visit

I would love to try to take a nap on my outdoor couch thing but my dying dog is lying there very peacefully so I guess I will continue to subsist on 4 hours of sleep and drugs

Sudafed sudafed sudafed

Who needs sleep, there is only sudafed