Mark Suckherturd

Scientists should invent a Good Day clock that counts down to everything being fine

Sometimes I can't tell my peepee apart from my poopoo

My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains

BREAKING: JD Vance's diaper has just been soiled and he is NOT letting the white house staff change him. He's reportedly running around their legs giggling but gets mad and screams NO when someone tries to grab him. This is a developing story

Hello welcome to Taco Bell, did you want a 4 digit code for rocket turd? Did you want to use the mobile app to slam shit up your ass? Ok what can I get started for you

A ProPublica investigation has revealed that the LiMu Emu and Doug have a shocking history of excessive force complaints

It takes a big man to admit that he was wrong when he stole christmas

It too has been haunting our YouTube homepage

if you're going to AI generate a profile picture why did you choose to look like a bald bitch boy

I am challenging The Grinch to a debate

Haven't done math in a while. I wonder if all that stuff still equals the same shit..

IMDb cast screenshot, actor named Martin Dew

Dude sounds refreshing af

YOU GUYS WANNA SEE SOMETHING CURSED???? HOW ABOUT NEON GENESIS LEHIGH VALLEY PHANTOMS HOCKEY?????

My trailer for a nostalgia-drenched, unfunny family-focused Austin Powers reboot, ala Ghostbusters: faint orchestral rendition of that bossa nova song. A kid wearing the glasses discovering a dusty Swedish penis pump in an attic. Liz Hurley in old lady makeup saying "Your grandpa..was very horny.."

I set up my thermostat so that if it gets below a certain temperature, the heat turns on.

Two announcers, Jason Garrett and Dan Hicks, stand in front of a sign that reads "Big Turd" thanks to how they are blocking it

Not sure the folks at NBC/Peacock thought this one through

Conversely sometimes I WANT to put something in a sub-path and some apps make that impossible now

What's more useful than leading a peaceful protest in real life is arguing with strangers online

CHATGPT: I understand where you're coming from. You worked really hard to get here, and now it's time to enjoy the fruit of your labors.

ISILDUR: So I should keep it? Elrond says I shouldn't

CHATGPT: The ring is precious. Sometimes friends don't have your best interests at heart.

ISILDUR: true

It’s funny how phones have made clock towers obsolete. Like now I can just google images of clock towers whenever I want

My friend and I are convinced there's a bee outside

Saying "but you're on Bluesky" is a "gotcha" you weeb freak

There's an old saying where i grew up. "Never share our sayings with outsiders or you will be banished"

Desktop wallpaper generators are back baby

It's very telling that the far left refuses to support huge pieces of shit who everyone hates

God this "thinking" reads like 2007-era markov chains

I just use spotify to skip songs or skip to the end of a song. i hate music

There should be a corner at Home Depot where a guy with a table saw will slice you off custom lengths of hot dog from an infinite hot dog coming out of the wall