Seamus

We moved to coastal N.Wales in November, this is our first time experiencing the holiday surge.

Sorry I farted at your wind farm.

On your mark, get set, go fuck yourself.

My mind likes to remind me of long gone mistakes I've made at random moments in the day.
Today, my cringe gland was at full squeak until I remembered all the other people present were now dead.
Which, perversely, cheered me up no end.

"You're a Unicorn, Jimmah"
Said Hagrid in one of his darker moments, as he pushed an ice cream cone into my forehead with a twist.

*gives you a boiled egg on a stick*

I am at work

*walks upstairs like Bod*

How fast was that telephone box going?

Imagine if they find out you're full of cats 🐈 😻😼😽😺

I am at home

Sorry if your furry friend(s) just bolted out the room, I tried having a cold shower again.

Old man with glasses wearing a pink wig

I'm at work

I'm at work

Whenever I see a Head and Shoulders advert, it always makes me think they're really missing a trick by not making a bodywash called Knees and Toes

*puts a ghost in your fridge*

A gate with a meadow and hills in the distance

I am at work.

I bet moths are attracted to the bat signal

People who overreact should be shot.

must learn to smellcheck

Kinder my arse, inside ever peach is a toy brain.

The worlds tallest cat

Clearing out my old computer and found a photo I took of the worlds tallest cat in Mile End about 10 yrs ago.

Fart Club

Medium Stephen

massive grandad

"Call me Mallard..."

Moby Duck

A row of seagulls on a rubble mound all looking at you

dogs like cat treats

PRETEND you are a seagull by putting a whole sandwich in your mouth and running out the room.