July

[peering out the window as blood rains from the sky]

we needed this

Understanding is optional. The allegiance is not.

digital drawing. a teary eyed kitten with a halo in the background behind a hammer. text: heaven can’t hold me

Please stop asking if I’m down with the sickness. I gave birth to the sickness.
Named the baby Deep’Lee Desterb.
Baby’s first words were: ooh-wah-ah-ah-ah.

life keeps coming after my swag

Don’t milk your chicken in one basket

When the going gets tough… I get going

a small white dog with a cupcake on its head being decorated with pink frosting . ALT: a small white dog with a cupcake on its head being decorated with pink frosting .

they’re doing this to me if you even care

She’s a ten, but she says, “moon landing” every time your butts touch.

Dead people don’t haunt like they used to.
I moon graveyards just to keep spirits up.

I’m sorry for what I said when I had that dog in me.

make a point of introducing myself to the local birds so i always have friends in high places

*pointing a gun at a butterfly* Don’t fucking tell me you’re the same guy. What did you do with Caterpillar? WHERE IS HE?!

i’m lackswag intolerant

I went back to church to tighten up my demon jokes. The devil’s in the details, so I sat in the splash zone. I accidentally got cast in the nativity play..

If you like spies, lies and thighs.
Watch my new film about a double agent that was double crossed and double stuffed.

It's pretty simple, really. If you vex me, I will hex you.
Any questions?

I put googly eyes on my skin tags for this?

I tell nurses I see dead people—and one’s been following them.
Hospital gown, cheeks out, and he’s asking if he can get a new IV bag.

When vampires cum it's called edraculatuon.

Cocomelon squeezed me out of the game.
I was CoconutWatermelon.
Legally I can only go by NutWater.

for being called The Shining this movie is kinda dark huh

The mucus i’m coughing up look like alien fetuses. Sent a sample to Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Guinness World Records wouldn’t believe me.

i feel like a billion bucks. cruel and unnecessary

Sorry can’t answer right now I’m doing the dishes

They make iron supplement pills?? I’ve been suckling on this rock for hours..

Yeah, I might know the Muffin Man. But info like that will cost ya. It don’t get cheaper by the dozen, either.

"that persons an idiot, dont bother with them" yeah i know man, why would i yell at smart people

Not many talk about Forrest Gump’s granddaughter, who is Gen-A.