man w smol pan

“Kill the weak” is a popular political ideology among people who have strong beliefs about and low understanding of who is and isn’t weak

Lottery tickets should pay out what they take in, net zero, with more smaller payouts and only poor people can buy them

Alternative ending: the son makes an avatar of his mother, continuing the cycle

My kingdom for a version of Frankenstein that has my favorite part

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this is exactly what I imagine an email a pedo sends to themselves titled "radical breakthrough" would look like

They're so proud of this face, they can't let it off the screen, it keeps jumping around and re-sizing to wedge into a completely random spot on every presentation slide

Every part of their face is doing a different thing

Watching a company training video with an AI person, AI voice, AI face, talks without breathing, doesn't know how to pronounce the company name, I'm dying of heebie jeebie radiation, and the most part? It's about protecting intellectual property

Jay-Z pulls out a binder full of your lyrics printed off genius.com and a red pen, puts on reading glasses, suddenly has a British accent

“Now let’s start with this metaphor here, don’t you think it’s a tad overwrought?”

Jay-Z pulls out a binder full of your lyrics printed off genius.com and a red pen, puts on reading glasses, suddenly has a British accent

“Now let’s start with this metaphor here, don’t you think it’s a tad overwrought?”

Grocery store self-checkout yelling at me because it’s trained on hard-of-hearing old people

Dubai chocolate cones, distended and oozing green brains

Eldritch ice cream cones

Make a celebrity into a F&F movie:

Toakylor Drift

“The center of the universe… Mexico!”

hire Teen Vogue staff and start "Teen Propublica"

hire Teen Vogue staff and start "Teen Propublica"

That "posts 100x a day" labeler is like a blacklight for bluesky

The definition of cool has two parts: the unaffected part / rules not applying to you, and then that you can still be trusted

All these tech execs that desperately want to be cool have repeatedly demonstrated that the expectation of trustworthiness gives them hives

hey now don't insult those of us with lead poisoning

today, like every day, is a good day to remember everything Lake Superior has taken from us. the only language the Great Lakes understand is force.

RIP to the Eddie Fitz

Controlled opposition through and through, one call from a Wall Street exec and he'd sell anybody out, his most important constituent relationship with imaginary people precisely as a dissonance valve

"they don't know" meme template: the SS Edmund Fitzgerald is standing in the corner with a party hat on and saying "They don't know I'm the pride of the American side" two people dancing: yes we do. there's a song about it two other people dancing: does anyone know where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours?

My favorite genre is Edmund Fitzgerald shitposting

Only one way to find out

Twitter screenshot Followers For Algernon @bonerhitler Me: I'm not gonna take on a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty. 3 beers later: [Picture of Edmund Fitzgerald cargo ship sailing low in the water for being too heavy] 11:49 AM • Nov 10, 2020 79 comments 1.7K retweets 7.5K likes 294 saves

Still my all-time favorite Twitter post @followers4algernon.bsky.social

This is as bad as the Biden-Trump debate, we’re just going to live through a years-long parade of bland old guys promising to clean Trump’s clock and then getting winded and confused by having to talk for 3 minutes straight

I just turned 38

Been looking to this because some years ago 38 was the average age of People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive

It's now gone up to 40 though (I blame Paul Rudd)

Do you know where your Cornyn are?

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