Mariya Alexander

Oh good once again everyone is freaking out about some stupid little hand gesture by some stupid fucking douchebag while ignoring or let’s face it pretty much supporting the brutal torture and murder of literal Jewish babies, I fucking hate y’all so much it’s not even funny

I am a Jeopardy girl living in a Wheel Of Fortune world

I have no idea what the fuck anyone is talking about anymore (bragging)

Figured out how to fix my clogged bathroom sink yesterday and it was the most satisfying thing I've done in a while. If you're feeling low, I strongly recommend clogging and then fixing your bathroom sink.

Just did one (1) self-care which has earned me two to three (2-3) self-destructions

Just because climate change is real doesn’t mean that politicians aren’t using it as a convenient catch-all deflection from their own incompetence and dereliction of basic duties 😉

I used to only block people if they were mean to me but now I block people for being cringey embarrassing losers and it’s way more satisfying

Living through apocalyptic fires WHILE recovering from
Norovirus has been quite an adventure (derogatory)

These fires are absolutely horrific and yet everyone’s dumb ass takes are somehow even worse????

My therapist: so what’s been going on?

Me: girl, how much time you got

My therapist: exactly 1 hour

Trying to work right now is so fucking stupid, I'll email someone like "hey, just following up on this thing I guess???" and they'll write back like "sorry, I am currently running for my life as my home and everything I own burns to the ground, I'll circle back later" 🤪

Wish someone would come and arrest my mayor and also my entire state’s government tbh

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t have to be doing all that

Literally no one:

Heidi Klum: I should do an erotic lingerie photoshoot with my daughter

If you include the words “philosopher” and “spiritual” in your bio on any website you should be sent straight to jail

Me, day to day living in Los Angeles: Ugh! Everything is so dirty! It’s so loud! Someone stole my packages again!

Me, after a week of visiting family on the East coast, flying back to Los Angeles: I am going to kiss the filthy meth-infested ground as soon as we land, god bless this holy place 😭❤️🫶

My life would be so much easier if I was a proper selfish bitch

My 89 year old extremely Ukrainian grandpa just asked me what Kesha’s last name is while dancing to her New Year’s Rockin’ Eve performance, as a sign of respect 🥹

Extremely so

A very important message ✊

Currently visiting my family aka doing hard time

You can do it!!! 💪

Well definitely not meat! Lol

The Bob Dylan movie will cure you of this aberration, I assure you

When I am president Timothee Chalamet will be legally barred from acting or whatever the hell it is he thinks he’s doing

I have been a vegetarian for over 15 years so of course my parents still ask whether I eat chicken at every opportunity

I dare you to have a nice day, as a goof

Merry Christmas and happy Chanukah from my daughter and her friend 🥰

This app feels like the two new follow-up seasons of Arrested Development (not great)

Resting in power sounds terrible and exhausting tbh