geekysteven

Me: *gets heckled doing stand-up comedy* Who said that. Turn on the lights. You 🫵 you’re dead, pal. Your whole family. I’m following you home

khorne names: skulltaker hellking. tharlax the bonegrinder. blood bloodman

nurgle names: bilepipe snotmuncher. cancerous dickhole. wee little plimpo the sickly pissdrinker

Ants communicate using pheromones. So if you're tired of having ants in your house, you should spray some of the "fuck off" pheromone.

The raw milk people are hilarious. All you have to do is meet one (1) cow and smell the situation in which they are producing that rawness and you will pasteurize everything you own for a week

A millionaire trophy Hunter by the name of Asher Watkins was gored to death by a 1.2 ton cape Buffalo. Hope the buffalo is okay

Imagine the embarrassment at being outdone by the FPS fandom

nintendo's greatest crime is that, after all these years, they still haven't figured out a better way of signaling low health than BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEp BEEPBEEP BEEPBEEP BEEPBE

all warfare is based in decepticon...

Challenging my skills as an author by contriving plausible sequences of events which result in my OCs innocently getting caught in positions which resemble increasingly esoteric sex acts.

a good genre of silliness is when someone is trying to downplay their interest in smut at the smut shop. And the owner always dutifully plays along "oh yeah, I get it, it's for...a bachelorette party, all our sales are”

Tweet by shutupmikeginn edited to read "My "Not involved in human trafficking" dinner has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my dinner"

We are about 2 weeks away from not even having to edit out the word "shirt"

Apologies to @shutupmikeginn.bsky.social

Arthur: Making an enchanted garment?

Merlin knitting a sweater: *sighs* I have interests besides magic.

two guys fighting over oars are just having a row it took me 3 hours to write this crap you’re welcome

Everything's so impersonal now. The troll that lives under the bridge has been replaced with a automated kiosk and you have to press a button to summon a troll to eat you

Gingerbread man: i'm just not cut out for this

Therapist: actually you absolutely are

trump is free climbing the washington monument today

Why stop at sprinter vans? Let’s make three-story motorcycles

No family board game ends without blood

Cover art by Michael Whelan for the book Time and Again depicting an astronaut with a tattered space suit, not wearing a helmet, and with glowing eyes. Text reads "how it feels to watch nut vid with sound on”

Admiral Blackwell from Star Trek The Next Generation on a viewscreen asking Captain Picard "Captain Picard Day?" He says "It's, er, it's for the children...we must confirm their loyalty to me”

Zangief from Street Fighter in Wreck It Ralph saying "just because you are "always online" does not mean you are always online”

Photo of pigeons in front of a church with text "aliens haven't made contact yet because they heard how we treated pigeons”

i think lou bega could have just counted for the entire song if he had just had the courage of his convictions

Screenshot reads you've read your last free article

Buddy, I've read my last article. Period. It was the year two thousand and eleven.

can't believe it's butter? you may be entitled to compensation

That can't be all of it. They're terrified of that? That's Tuesday

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

italian horror fans'll be like "you don't know Argento Fusilli? Oh, you must see "The Yellow Knife." It's shot all in green, except the blood. There's a 45 minute shot of a nun crucifying a clown with huge needles. A masterpiece"

[first day as an entomologist]
"Butterflies are some weird-ass fucken mosquitoes, right?”

It's difficult to overstate how big of a shift media consumption has undergone. If you told someone in the 80s that you routinely watched videos made by “just some guy” they'd shoot you