Dave

This is not a subtle metaphor hahaha, way too on the nose

Brand new Bentley, you can keep the ceiling

He gave her a white Christmas

I met a girl recently that I like and she likes me and now I’m walking around smiling at babies and old people and shit

Does Siri count? I’ve never seen anything so in need of a complete overhaul and redesign

Everything reminds me of her…

Media’s empathetic coverage of Luigi Mangione reveals an obsession with humanizing white male suspects Interest in the United Healthcare CEO shooting suspect’s background underscores research that the media covers white and Black perpetrators differently

No no no, they’ve got it all wrong. This isn’t white privilege; it’s pretty privilege. Look at that jaw line and his piercing gaze

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024...

This took about 25 minutes to explain over the phone, and probably about six months off my life

What? How is this not a dunk?? Do you know what a dunk is?

I know, I was making a joke lol

To be clear though, I love Drake. I don’t even care what people say about him. Honestly, I blame the kids

Even as a Drake fan it’s nauseating

What’s the correct frequency with which to wash clothes?

It’s simple, just use A.I. to put together a list of every single person who was in New York City on Wednesday, and then compare that to the list of people who are in New York City now

Boom! Problem solved

The hardest part of being that guy who shot the United Healthcare CEO is probably not bragging about it constantly. The whole country loves this dude!

The real battle is always within yourself

I want so badly for this guy to be the DB Cooper of our generation. I hope he returns to his career in IT or whatever and we never solve this mystery

“Doctor, this walrus is on hemodialysis every Monday, Wednesday and Friday”

Drove past a 24/7 animal hospital in LA and it was enormous. I’m dying at the idea of a giraffe in there receiving chemotherapy hahaha

What’s a hospital potato? That’s not a very nice thing to call the trach’ed and peg’ed patients

It’s true. ‘Dysdiadochokinesia’ is a condition where you basically can’t flip your hand back and forth very fast

Love to put the dick in

These two guys seated next to me at the bar disagree with some of the decision making that occurred in the movie ‘Old School’

They find it irresponsible that Will Ferrel’s character hired that guy who ended up shooting him with a tranquilizer gun for a child’s birthday party

It is so hard to give a shit about these guys getting shot in public

Coat

If I was Drake, I’d be so angry at how good GNX is. Livid! Enraged!!!

This is my favorite account on bluesky

I ruminate on my problems so much I’m basically a rheumatologist

2024 is definitely the year of the would-be political assassin

Fuck UnitedHealth care for sure, and the whole US private health insurance industrial complex as a whole, but how can the industry average be 16% if more insurers are higher than that and UHC is the largest insurer in the nation and at 32%?

Oh cool, our entire government is about to be run by aristocrats, like in pre-revolutionary France. Couldn’t be bad