An image of early Swiss reformer Ulrich Zwingli followed by an iMessage that reads, “Hi Jack, it’s Ulrich. I’m reaching out to real reformed Patriots. We’ve done a lot to remove corruption and preach the gospel clearly, But we can’t stop now. We need YOU to stand with us against superstition. Can I count on you to eat a sausage this Friday?”

simpsons reality baby

Zohran caught in LIES: Mamdani claims to have "loved Final Fantasy III" when he was growing up. yet research indicates that the game he played was in fact the SIXTH Final Fantasy game

Go into your boss's office and say "you're taking this well"

short piece entitled "THE DEAL I STRUCK WITH BURGER KING". full text at https://infinitegossip.ghost.io/the-deal-i-struck-with-burger-king/

the deal i struck with burger king

Big text at the top says "Parents! Are you sick of your child doing this?" We see a drawing of a child whose body is sticking out of various parts of a room, his legs through the floor, his arm through one wall, his upper torso and face through another, scowling and sticking his tongue out and saying "fie! I will not be bound by the limits of the physical form!" In a second panel, the large text says "end the daily hassle and all those little headaches by encasing your child in the cube!" The boy is now hovering upside down inside a 3 dimensional cube, still scowling, but now fully intact, saying "you're a fool to think these constraints will hold. Once I am free of this prison, you have signed your own doom."

Parents Are You Tired Of Your Child Doing This?

Fighter jets against the backdrop of a sky with the Idaho state flag and a quote that should say “everyone is an ally until they aren’t” but the spacing makes it look like it says “everyone is anally until they aren’t”

Local legislator displays the importance of kerning

A hotdog and pretzel stand with large hanging bottles of mustard, ketchup, and mayonnaise. The bottoms contain squeeze tubes to dispense the condiments.

I have been traveling and today I present to you...the thing I saw in the Frankfurt airport.

Is it efficient? Undeniably. Does it probably work better than the normal way? Oh certainly. Produce less of a mess? Probably?

But the existence of Condiment Udders gives me a deep, aghast disquiet.

A weapon... to surpass Metal Gear

New Work by Gary Larson | TheFarSide.com Get an exclusive look at brand new cartoons and artwork from cartoonist Gary Larson, creator of the iconic comic strip The Far Side®.

It's kinda cool that Gary Larson is doing new cartoons because he picked up a digital tablet, taught himself how to use it, and it made him love drawing again.

www.thefarside.com/new-stuff/

Me, as a kid, in my school diary: I seem to be obsessed with images of blood and murder

My teacher: ✅

everyone says they love to travel, but most of them are pretty stressed out when they regain consciousness loaded into my trebuchet

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA NATIONAL TRANSPORTATION SAFETY BOARD ***************** Investigation of: LOSS OF THE SUBMARINE TITAN IN THE NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN ON JUNE 18, 2023 * * * * * * Accident No.: *********** * * * * * * Interview of: Co-designer/Pilot Deepsea Challenger DCA23FM036 via Microsoft Teams Friday, July 26, 2024

INTERVIEW OF 10 BY LCDR 11 Q. So how did you get yourself started into submersible 12 operations? 13 A. Well, I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic. When I 14 set down the path to make that film, the first thing that I did 15 was arrange to be introduced to the head of the submersible 16 program at the P.P. Shirshov Institute in Moscow, a guy named 17| Professor I. I did that through a mutual friend 18 of ours, a guy named , who is one of the preeminent underwater cinematographers in the world. And had been on a 20 submersible expedition out to Titanic the previous year with the 21 Russians. And that was organized by a Canadian company that was 22 doing an IMAX film which was released under the title Titanica.

Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."

Taz’s sister and mom I believe

They had a show in the 90’s called Taz Mania where Taz had a family that dressed like humans which establishes that he wasn’t actually a wild animal but just sort of a weird naked guy

the heat is melting the microplastics in my urine and it's coming out like dental floss and i've been pulling it out for five minutes like a magician's handkerchief trick

Tips are shit though

Brewers outfielder Sal Frelick making an intense face as he prepares to throw the ball

this is the most like a mike tyson's punch out guy i have ever seen anyone look

the whole tron setting doesn't really make sense. why is the computer run by a fascist dictator? (sees my laptop updates weren't installed because some background software refused to quit) kill that program. kill it now. kill that program immediately

What an incredible experience, getting to perform at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. I left feeling grateful and humbled by his majesty's generosity. I'll never forget this memorial experience and all the fun we had. Hope to do it again soon.

upon further reflection, there is a small part of me that feels I sent the wrong message, regarding the Riyahd Comedy Festival last night. While, I do think it's important for comedy to have the opportunity to thrive in all parts of the globe, there are some aspects of The Royal Highness, King Salmon and his leadership in the region that i don't agree with entirely, but it's a different culture when it comes to freedom and rights and I gotta respect that we are all different and have different values. My manager is now investigating the possibility of donating some of my fee to a charity for Vetrans of War.

Perfect posting from Tim Heidecker, 24 hours apart.

Chiitan has a dream.
I hope that one day the term LGBT will become a thing of the past.
I will continue to spread my message until we live in a world where everyone can love freely and is free from persecution and discrimination.
Until then, let's all support each other🤍

A boy running alongside a train with a bindle on a stick. A word balloon reads “I’m through with school- it’s only for sissies anyway. I’ll run away and- and make money with my FEET”

Nobody could have imagined the future world that would find this funny and why

Okay this is a good headline

Around this time of year, brits will wear ‘poppies’ out of deep respect for the international heroin trade

BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social I asked ChatGPT to call the cutie store and no one knew you lol. But then I went to the cutie store myself and everyone knew you. What ChatGPT actually did was call the same Qdoba location 15 times and make outrageous threats against the employees that fell just short of actionability August 6, 2025 at 4:16 PM

Ok this slaps

CHATGPT: I understand where you're coming from. You worked really hard to get here, and now it's time to enjoy the fruit of your labors.

ISILDUR: So I should keep it? Elrond says I shouldn't

CHATGPT: The ring is precious. Sometimes friends don't have your best interests at heart.

ISILDUR: true

4 panel comic Panel 1: A Purple person is standing holding a clipboard. A Blue Person sits at a laptop. Blue Person: Woohoo. I’m the CEO of a social media platform. Panel 2: Purple person: We should hire a PR person to interact with the public Blue Person begins to type on laptop and says: Nope. Gonna do all that myself Panel 3: Purple person looks concerned and says: Really…but… Panel 4: Purple person: You’re such a whiny little fucking baby

They are bringing Seal back and will let him perform “Amazing” twice