Matt Rower

Dear InDesign: The fuck you mean, “Times News Roman is missing”?

But then again, maybe it is and not knowing that is why I’m single ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A photo of dinner rolls from a recipe with the magazine name and title below that reads “Bon Appetit, Buttery Milk Buns”

I’m guessing “Bon Appétit, Buttery Milk Buns” wouldn’t be a good thing to say on a first date

What if there was a LinkedIn that wasn’t ugly? What if there was a LinkedIn that encouraged folks to get to the damn point?

Scrolled through Peacock to see if there was anything I wanted to watch (there wasn’t, by the way) and saw two things that inspired either the best idea or the worst: “Popeye Below Deck”

Grandpa Simpson yelling at a cloud

Back in my day, AI used to stand for Adobe Illustrator! And we hated that, too!

The Cleveland Browns Guide to Winning a Super Bowl

That manor sure was an eerie manor

Headline reading, “Jeff Bezos Says He Doesn't Understand Why Anybody Alive Now Would Be 'Discouraged'-Because Soon, 'Millions Of People Will Be Living In Space'”

Will that be before or after the earth’s blown up

Health headline reading, “Zucchini Poisoning Is a Thing—Here's Why It Happens and How To Avoid It”

First, zucchini is only meant for eating

Tricks *and* treats

A commemorative, Friday the 13th / Jason Universe can of Angry Orchard

Celebrating spooky season in my own way

They really went overboard trying the whole “Seven Brides for Seven Stooges” thing

Outside headline reading, “What to Yell to Encourage Runners”

I, personally, love to hear, “Run, Forrest, run!” and don’t automatically raise my middle finger to acknowledge my gratefulness when I do

“Avoid Money Traps That Keep You Stuck with Morgan Housel” reads the course title, but who the fuck is that and why is getting stuck with him so bad? Does he edit a particularly pungent aroma or something?

Business Insider headline reading, “World's 10 richest people down $69B after Friday's stock market selloff”

Nice.

Screenshot of a Travel+Leisure headline reading, “Why You Should Always Order Ginger Ale on a Flight” with “on a Flight” scribbled over

Fixed it for you

Technically, I got the answer in one turn, right?

Wordle 1,575 2/6

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New York headline reading, “Can an AI ‘Tinder for Jobs' Make Looking for Work Suck Less?”

Just when you thought being out of work couldn’t be more demoralizing, now you’ll have to post a picture of you with a fish for the job hunt

Like, someone falling in love with the ghost haunting the farm where they’re staying while they wait for repairs

Expressed gratitude earlier today that at least I wasn’t stranded while the car’s being fixed like at the start of some kind of horror or Hallmark movie. But now I sorta want to know if one could make a Hallmark Horror and what would it look like

Wall Street Journal headline reading, “Fifth Third to Acquire Comerica in $10.9 Billion Stock Deal”

Does this mean Detroit’s getting a Fifth Third Field too

Obviously. I mean, we’d be referring to “the hawks and the wasps” if it was masculine

Cincinnati.com headline reading, “Pornhub says it won't shut down in Ohio over age-verification law”

It because
A) Ohio’s too big too lose?
or
B) Ohio’s just not that important?

Bright pink, circular promotional poster for the first volume of Grant Morrison’s comic The Invisibles

It’s a bit of a day, but look what I found

Every reading creates new questions.

Inc. headline reading, “McDonald's Says It Keeps Trying to Unlock Your 'Core Memories.' How Many of These Do You Remember?”

And yet they steadfastly refuse to bring back the talking tree in the dining room

Can we give all the people personhood first? Great, thanks.

Do we even have a corder at this point

Just ready the phrase gave me the heebie jeebies