Rook

I have nothing in common with people who don’t like tacos and tits.

It's amusing that my therapist tells me to speak freely... yet charges me $200 an hour.

Did January last 4 years? Please tell me it did.

Some days you need that friend that kicks you in the butt, and other days they rub it and say ‘Nice butt’.

Friday and the last day of January can it get any better?

some of you i only follow bc i can feel a hilarious public meltdown coming and i don’t want to miss it

Squats after taco bell…

Invest for our future and theirs… especially since social security funds will be borrowing more.

If we actually cared about making America great, we’d invest in a diverse, well-educated population, accessible early childhood support. Even if you don’t care about ethics, it’s good business higher earnings, lower social costs, and a solid ROI. But sure, tell me more about tax cuts for billionaire

Can I buy a vowel?

You’re the B in butthole.

Next up on the Price is Right, you could win a dozen eggs.

It’s the 365th day of January.

Bagel in the streets, donut in the sheets.

i don’t need anger management, i need other ppl to not be dumb assholes

Inside me are two groundhogs.

I feel like I heard this joke yesterday.

I've done many things wrong, but I've never popped bubble wrap with scissors.

cannot wait to be in the retirement home listening to nirvana with a bunch of fellow old people wearing doc martens, black nail polish, and nine inch nails tshirts

Them: You’re not everyone’s cup of tea.

Me: But I am someone’s empty bottle of wine.

Oh, you are boujee…

Glaze her ass like a Krispy Kreme hot outta the fryer.

I’m not the void you’re looking for.

Tell me what I mean to you..
Tell me I’m the only one that stirs your soul and who makes the loneliness disappear…….

i saw you from across the timeline. our eyes met. are you going to eat those tots

💯