chad

fellas be wanting to have a ménage á trois but they haven’t touched their duolingo app in months. brother u are worried about the wrong oui oui

behind every strong man is a strong woman who makes him google and look stuff up on reddit for her

Concerns about focusing on increasing shareholder value when you begin to feel the joy and whimsy of the holiday season? Worry no more. I have compiled a 12-step guide that will enable you to repress your humanity to drive corporate profit against your own best interests 🧵⬇️⬇️⬇️

it’s crazy shirts cornered the market so hard on clothes that if you’re not wearing one you’re shirtless. nobody says you’re mockneckless

Gotta say not enough porn is passing the bechdel test for me

Something about women with big ol’ butts that I’m tired of staying silent on is that them farts are LOUD

I’m serious this time I’m actually gonna use bluesky

Something I feel should probably be illegal but seems to be fine is when a company makes you take an aptitude test as part of the application process

my literal wife who married me and loves me called me sexy four days ago and I’m still riding that high

They had to know man. They just had to

i’m just a boy

nosferhawktua — has anyone had this thought? just me?

I feel for republicans. Gotta be tough to be playing the “Is the guy I built my personality around for the last decade the subject of a worldwide conspiracy to frame him as a pedophile or is he just a pedophile” game constantly

I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people who don’t watch SNL be so upset about the new SNL cast members

I thought legalizing gambling would be cool but once again capitalism has sucked all of the fun out of being a degenerate

jacking off to Lola Bunny call that a Gooney Tune

Here are my two small dogs in a tent together hanging out

But only if it’s because they have a really stupid and bad opinion. Not if they’re just like annoying but in a harmless way or something

I wish the block button killed the person I was blocking

Actually feel really bad for Bethesda and the Oblivion remaster because it got completely overshadowed by the best game to be released since Oblivion came out the first time

look at my dog lawyer I’m going to jail 😭😭

Aside from the obvious reasons that it’s stupid, the gay son or thot daughter debate makes no sense. What makes you think your gay son couldn’t be a thot? If you don’t care you need to be asking yourself why you want to have sex so bad but also get mad when women have sex

You’re getting close mr. cannoli

If pee isn’t stored in the balls then why does it make more pee come out when I push my balls up while peeing ?

just got back from my first shift at the aura farm and nobody knew you

My body does not know the difference between being held at gunpoint and scrolling the LinkedIn timeline for even five minutes

There should be a sandwich that’s native to Chicago called the Sosa Sammy

Thinking about asking sabrina carpenter with black hair to play R.E.P.O. with me

Shoutout to ancient Greek poet Sappho for inventing being gay. That shit rocks

AI being shoehorned into every app you ever touch isn’t annoying at all. It’s actually fucking awesome if you’re stupid as fuck