Tippi Hedren Collider

Everybody wants to celebrate the boys being back in town, nobody wants to examine the circumstances that forced the boys to leave in the first place.

A photo of a bodega grey black cat Its face uplifted with eyes closed

Me listening to Madama Butterfly while waiting in line to pay for my ice breakers

insert a movie into another movie

Throw Mamma Mia From The Train

yeah. i’m a bad boy. i play by my own rules. which happen to have a lot of overlap with the regular rules, which despite the coincidence of being very similar to my rules, i am not following.

At least this existential dread has pockets

no i'm not doing the heart hands thing i'm miming that i need you to bring me a burger

I can’t believe I’m the same species as some of the people I interact with on FB Marketplace

Smacks of effort. You made the right choice.

How the Grinch Acquired Christmas By Leveraging Prospective Revenue

Oh yes, that's true. I'll probably have better luck at a rage bait career, though.

The easiest way to cheer me up is by walking into a glass door you don't see with a full cup of coffee.

I'm excited for Stop Emailing Me Wednesday.

Yay, there's that!

red sky at night
sailor’s delight
red sky at morn
oh shit that’s aliens

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and a pie closest of all, for when these other things disappoint you.

[taking a large number of emails from my inbox and dropping them into the trash] i used to have to walk down the driveway and back to do this

Snow storm is coming, had to grab champagne & a spare.

Kids today are always on their phones instead of solving the ancient riddle of the pharaoh

it feels redundant to call a fireman hot

Time to start leaving out milk and cookies for the porch thieves.

I'm glad you're not sad anymore, friend. 💚

Everything I'm doing fits in less and less. Take living in a hole hoarding all positive space for example

you only hear about the cops who plant evidence
never about the ones who nurture and water it everyday until it grows into an evidence tree

how much seltzer can you drink before you get the bends

what do i want for christmas? well what do you have in human-sized squirrel nests inside of a wall

oooooooh

Whoa! Hopefully that got cleared up tidily.

What should I send?

A wrong number has been texting all day, refusing to believe I'm not who they think I am. They've sent photo after photo of items for which they expect an answer, regrettably revealing an address in the process.

I say regrettably, because now I'm obligated to mail them at least three random things.

unlike SOME people, i don’t subskeet