William Stone

They're never going to make an actual new film ever again are they?

This is great news, I’ve still yet to see it in full !

Most of them aren’t even REAL hockey players.

I came. I saw. I concurred.

People go on about how expensive space travel is but what they don’t realise is how cheap it is to live there.

Just enjoying working three jobs and just scraping rent before the woke ban it 😡

Got kicked out cos someone saw me end a text with a full stop.

Just want to be famous enough for a curry house to take a picture with me and stick it on the wall

I’ve only ever seen my own so assume this is the kind of thing you’re talking about.

The Beatles “Naa, Naa, Na Na Na Naaaaah”ed so Oasis could “N-nah N-nah, na na na naaaaa”.

Fun Hollywood fact. Christian Slater is actually quite tolerant of religious people

Enjoying a bacon and egg muffin and a milkshake for lunch cos its before 11am somewhere.

I always wanted to go bungee jumping with my dad but never got the chance because of his phobia. It’s quite a common phobia, basically he had this overwhelming fear of spending time with his son.

Hi, I”m William. I’m 42, male and never knowingly written a eulogy

Petty? I think you’ll find I’m actually contrary

Ray O'Leary: Laughter? I Hardly Know Her! Best Show Nominee at the 2024 Melbourne International Comedy Festival, 'Taskmaster New Zealand' star

Opening for Ray O’Leary next week at The Forge, Brighton

www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/ray-oleary...

On the 22nd Feb I'm doing a new Show in Leicester. There's about thirty tickets left. Here's a poster for it where I hold a puppy, because people like puppies and a link, because people love links. Do my heart a favour and come along.

events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/matth...

Don’t talk to me til I’ve had my morning.

I’m quite late to online gaming but I’m getting really good at the one where you select which photos contain traffic lights.

Don’t talk to me til I’ve had my morning.

Oh so it’s not “cool” to go to the library? What if I told you I only go there to borrow CDs?

Sometimes my life feels like a Judd Apatow movie. Too long.

Who called it “dogging” when Parallel Porking was right there?

Share if you agree

You can tell it’s not real cos no one ever says “anywhere here’s fine”

I don’t trust anyone who wears shoes without socks and yes, that does include horses.