Ian Straka

Everything I say online is fiction and satire and definitely not me being aggressively, illegally straightforward

The hearth isn't real. The logs are plastic. Someone died for this. They gave her a blanket that made her sick. They put her under something. I can't ask her what to do.

Sex pests... Uh... Find a way.

You didn't have me in the first half not gonna lie

Well it's a known fact that that sign-holder in particular is trolling. Aella from Twitter.

My twitter algo is showing me so much crypto bro meltdown and cope. Deeply healing.

Stop attributing it to stupidity. It's malice. You're stupid for treating them like they have any sincere convictions.

jesus kill me for my inability to not post this shit pre-middle age is horrifying

normalizing American communism in a roundabout way

only one lot?

bsky.app/profile/hydr...

true lol

You don't see a lot of crossover between the pedophile crowd and the humiliation kink crowd. Brave.

Having a fun night in the ECL draft league #mtg #mtgo #ecl

it’s genuinely reassuring to me that this is the most miserable and paranoid person in the entire world

1 (one) a day?!

yeah it's clearly going to be a problem for them to make any-fucking-thing happen as a consequence of Epstein

Literally the opposite. He's just trying to get the doctor to admit under oath that they don't.

Ever heard of the Washington Generals? The Harlem Globetrotters' rivals. They're paid to lose, because they're owned by the same people, and they abide by standard rules and will never interfere with Globetrotters' antics. They've lost 16,000 games.

Anyway, hope Chuck Schumer's having a good day.

Not enough people are even asking about the fourthhole queen

not to mention that he did it at 6 am on christmas morning

implies the existence of an Edmurk Crab and an Eddmurk Crab

Gavin Newsom Vetoes Important HRT Stockpiling Bill For Trans Californians, Signs Other Pro-LGBTQ+ Bills The bill would have allowed transgender people to maintain a safe supply of medication in the era of government crackdowns on care.

14 Oct 2025 -- CA Gov Gavin Newsom, still tacking right for 2028, vetoes bill passed by overwhelming majorities which would allow trans ppl to stockpile a year's GAMT in case of new fed restrictions, falsely claiming it would drive up health care costs. @rikiwilchins.bsky.social

I feel like I should mention I borrowed this line from a comedian. I want to say Moses Storm but not 100% sure. He tweeted it and used it in a live set but I can't find either now.

bruce wayne if his parents didn't die

As an American, I've never used this word unironically before, but man is Newsome a fucking wanker.

Healing the damage that caused you to punch all that drywall by healing the drywall.

dividing by zero to own the libs

It's gimmick accounts all the way down