Chris

Same.

I can't even begin to imagine how much wilder my mother would have been in the social-media age. She had us in the 1980s, and homeschooled us, and I'm pretty sure she didn't get us all our vaccinations out of laziness, not distrust. Yeah, I'm glad she didn't have algorithms shoving crap in her face.

Got my CPR/first aid course done over the weekend. For compressions, you can time with a song that's 100-120 beats per minute. "Stayin' Alive" works. "Not Like Us" does too. Drake finally contributes, indirectly, something useful to the world. (Fuck Drake anyway, though.)

If it weren't for audiobooks, I wouldn't get through more than like two books a year.

Can we be honest and say we celebrate shitty fucking losers like Columbus because they made melanin-abundant people miserable?

Every day, Kid Rock inches closer to the world record for oldest sentient afterbirth.

I took my turn on that last week. Did you remember to recalibrate the woke regulator?

Portland, OR is weird. I write this with delight, not derision. They're out there in inflatable costumes, dancing to show ICE goons that the fear tactics aren't working. Godspeed, frogs and toads, unicorns and pandas, and all the rest of you weird people.

Dude is at Walter Reed for his second "annual" checkup in like half a year because he ain't well. That or he wanted Jell-O.

It's bullshit that any of y'all federal workers need assistance because of course you should be paid. Fuck's sake. That being said, there's zero-interest assistance available, and you should take what you need.

If I ever remember what the hell my ICQ# is, I swear to God, I am so outta here.

Clop hackers caught exploiting Oracle zero-day bug to steal executives' personal data | TechCrunch Oracle fixes another security flaw that Clop hackers were using to steal sensitive personal information about executives as part of a mass-extortion campaign.

Damn, that's wild.
Anyway, what's everybody making for dinner?

As a not asexual person, agreed. His wants and needs and hers may be different, which is normal. And needs and wants fluctuate and change, which is also normal. And nobody, including one's lawfully wedded spouse, owes anybody sex or intimacy.

Goddammit, I forgot to hit the Powerball do Loving Wife doesn't have to give a fuck about the federal shutdown.

"You guys suck and I love Trump, but wow, losing public media stuff I like really stinks." -Most interviewees for this story.

Can DHS/ICE/CBP goons even count to 10?

Reese the lop-eared girl bun is almost three pounds of sass. Red-leaf lettuce? Flop facing away from the insolent humans. Corral her to put her in the smaller enclosure so we can clean her palatial estate? Thumping tantrum. Only two meager bits of dehydrated banana? Side eye.

Hate is too mild a word for my feelings. I wish I believed in an afterlife so that I could picture these cretins spending eternity in hell.

Well, look at the muppet of a porn-pact-with-own-son loser. Of course he's happy about an awful thing. If he tried cosplaying as a human, his flesh would crack and the first three rows would get ick all over them.

Anyway, I did get Loving Wife an advent calendar, and I did spend like $100 on the thing, but it's a French chocolate company's super-cool offering and she'll fucking love it. (I swear, we aren't bougie. LW would never get anything vaguely like this for herself. But I will.)

Adobe can butter their toast with my biological waste. However, since I HAVE to use this sometimes: Hamburger Menu (the horizontal bars) > Disable New Acrobat.
There. No more endless "Want to use this AI tool?" "Want us to burn loads of water/energy to summarize this for you?" "Pls use AI" shit.

For $99, the Costco absurdly large advent calendar has too many items neither of us want. Gummy candy. Peppermint bark. Some popcorn. Or so the nutrition info on the back tells me.

The people who tell me what to do in the office don't schedule emails that could very well be scheduled. They also print PDFs, then scan them. Among other things. Anyway, they think shit I need twenty minutes to do takes me like an hour. Like I need more work for no more pay.

Tactical ass wipes. For the tough "I'm too manly for fruits and vegetables" shits.

Breaking news: my ADHD self put away all my clean laundry not even 24 hours after it came out of the dryer. For my next miracle, I'll remember to leave work for my doctor's appointment on time.

I suddenly have a hypothesis that needs testing. No particular reason. Just randomly popped into my mind.

Me, suggesting a bunny name: Reese. She kinda looks like peanut butter.
Loving Wife: She does.
Me: Also, this morning I woke up from a really weird dream. No idea what was going on except I woke up saying, 'All dogs should be named Peanut Butter.'"
LW: ...you have the weirdest dreams.

I will never forgive any of the sick fucks who voted for him.

Tell him Portland has a copy of the Epstein files. It'd be a shame if they papered every vertical surface in the entire city. And the Internet.

YouTube video by Bad Lip Reading "WHITE HOUSE PRESS BRIEFING" — A Bad Lip Reading

I like to start the weekday by quoting favorite snippets of the Bad Lip Reading Sarah Huckabee Sanders video. "Do you have to look like a stuffed baked potato in that Walmart shirt?" "I need a draank." Now, I have the mental strength to come into the office. youtu.be/8EsUNOIYyKg?...