I’m still incredibly jet lagged

Instagram keeps showing me ads for a £735 fleece. I think the algorithm might be a bit wonky, most of my clothes are from the chazzer shop

Had a blast in Florida but I am very much ready to come home to eat some fruit and veg and not sit in traffic for 80% of the day

Took us 4 days of being in Florida before we saw a Trump sign. Thought they’d be everywhere

I’ve been listening to an audiobook set in Glasgow and the characters keep saying “gie it laldy” and I wish I was Scottish so I could start using it. Don’t think it’d have quite the same effect in my brummie/ northern hybrid accent

Right then, shall we go to Disney world?

Carrot soup for lunch in the hope that I’ll magically lose about half a stone before Sunday

Child free night. Been for food and cocktails and now I’m going to pass out in bed. Wild.

Chippy tea incoming

Nothing like a case of scarlet fever in the kid’s class to get the old health anxiety ratcheted up a notch

Happy birthday to you!

I’m trying to curb the amount of shite I eat before holiday but all I can think about are pork pies and chocolate oranges

I’m absolutely pulsing with rage tonight. Ain’t hormones brilliant

I’ve just seen a magpie eat a dog shit 🤢

Early last year I got a limited edition Rituals candle and by the time I’d burned it they’d all gone. Been looking for it for ages and I found someone selling 3 of them on eBay.
I’m now torn between being so happy that I’ve found some and guilty for how much I’ve just spent on bloody candles

I think my pergola is about to be carried off in the wind

Do they not make sure whoever is narrating an audiobook can do the accents in the story before they get the gig?
This has the worst scouse accent I’ve ever heard

Why do the mirrors at the hairdressers make you look so incredibly ugly?

What if it’s not the mirrors 😬

I’ve been working full time since September so I have a lot more spare cash than I did. So why do I feel so guilty about buying myself nice things?

SNER!

You know when you can’t find something and it completely consumes your every thought? Yeah, that.

Started the day with a very short, very cold bike ride and finished it off with a burger that was a week’s worth of calories

I thought my health anxiety days were pretty behind me until yesterday when I convinced myself I had parasites in one of my eyeballs. Turns out it was a bit of dirt under one of my contact lenses

Amazing news!

Haha no, they haven’t got to the pegging bit yet. I’m sure they will though…

Was not expecting to head Daft Punk on The Crown

Screenshot of Sainsbury’s Nectar app showing I was the 9th highest buyer of strawberry pencils in 2023

Losing my touch

I’m actually quite looking forward to this year. The other half has been given the official all-clear from cancer, so we’ve booked a load of holidays.
The factor 50 crew that we are though, you’ll just have to take my word for it that we’ve been. We’ll all come back as pale as we are right now

This place needs gifs, because that needs a sexy bite of the lower lip gif

Toasted and dripping with butter. Might have to go and get some now!