☀️ summer bryan ☀️

your honor if I say “your body” will you hold it against me in a court of law?

forget bottom or top, tell me if your bellybutton is an innie or outie

well, welcome!

so apparently “it feels like work” doesn’t meet the irs standards for tax write offs

where can I find that? it sounds great

I think it’s already next week

“trash? oh, you mean the thick piss dude? yeah I follow them”

okay but how did you find this post from two years ago, I have to know

you can always gate check the child, and then they get to ride that fun slide!

this is when your partner is on a bowling team without you but you still have to attend the games

your honor if I say “your body” will you hold it against me in a court of law?

angry librarian energy is just how I relate to the world

forget bottom or top, tell me if your bellybutton is an innie or outie

this fucking song gets me every time

surely that was intended as a compliment?

hi, does this work for red goo also?

drawing a chalk circle around my phone to investigate where all my battery went

the devil looks hella fine in those reels though

I can excuse people who blaspheme against everything I hold dear, but I draw the line at presenting a slightly prettier version of yourself in pictures!

that’s so much worse

the implication that “uses filters on all your videos” is exactly the same severity as “lives in defiance of god” is amazing too

I love this design, it’s so powerful

it’s so embarrassing to admit you forgot someone’s name and then everyone around you is asking irrelevant questions like “isn’t that your child” and “didn’t you pick the name”

Reverse cowgirl, so I am not faced with my horrible decision making

being my friend is actually very simple and easy you just have to tell me every single day if you’re mad at me, and are you sure? because you seem mad

there should be a service called Krebs Cycle because that’s what produces ATP

I find trains so relaxing because they only go one direction at one speed. once you get on you have no choice but to accept it and wait

“well I’ll tell you… I don’t know”

I can tell fortunato wasn’t a parent because if someone tried to wall ME up in the catacombs my only complaint is if they didn’t open that cask of amontillado for me first

burping is just a mouth fart