🚬anottercigarette

The year is 2035. My Amazon Smart Bed overheats and throws me to the ground. I overslept, and I'm in violation of the Amazon Wellness restrictions. I have to report to the Bezos Bureau for Corrective Action. Sleep is a key metric to optimize Productivity. Thank you Smart Bed for an important lesson!

Adobe can suck my dick from behind

and another thing: he’s not mad. please don’t put it in the newspaper that he got mad.

I think it's time to lay Urban Dictionary to rest. I am not under the illusion that the youngsters are cataloging their slang on there, and the 36 year old white people running the site are just making shit up at this point

Don't engage. Just block. They want to push their rage bait on here. Don't give them the satisfaction.

bsky.app/profile/did:...

As a man, it is a little gay to type "tyty".
I just sent "tyty" to a coworker.

Current year is so cool cause every news headline is like "they've fucked away all the clean water" and I'm supposed to politely sit and listen to people talk about Taylor Swift like igaf

Science is when my worldview

Growing up I thought it was Paper-View. And that it was audio books..

Windows OS Sounds do NOT need to be 100% volume by default. Let's pump the breaks a lil guys

‘I love Hitler’: Leaked messages expose Young Republicans’ racist chat Thousands of private messages reveal young GOP leaders joking about gas chambers, slavery and rape.

every young Republican staffer is a Nazi, it's that simple www.politico.com/news/2025/10...

And a banger theme song that I still listen to regularly

straight dudes be dum ashell for no reason

Drive comes to the airport to pick me up, says she won't take a suitcase?? Girl you accepted a ride AT AN AIRPORT 💀

Lyft just tried to fucking extort me. Pay $5 to receive a driver 2 mins sooner, so I had to press the "Keep waiting like a broke bitch" button

I was going to make a joke about rookie numbers but legit if I, knowing nothing about this line of work, was thrown in charge of this i don't think I could put up numbers like that

Jordan Peterson Voice: yah know, doors are really magical, you might say well they're just doors, but noo noo, they're magical. A door is a gateway, a path to the unknown. *crying* a door is an invitation, to adventure! Chaos is out there

It's good to have a good vocabulary

Hate seeing Short Kings forced into unrealistic beauty standards

Starting a new job is so embarrassing. "Oh, you're new here? That's cute." 😳

If you aren't asleep by then, traditionally you're supposed to give up entirely

I had a vegan milkshake in Seattle a couple years ago that was perfect; wasn't too sweet/sugary, didn't give me a stomach ache, stayed thick for a long time. Went back two weeks later and theyd closed. I think about it quite often.

I heard the 1in5 study was not well done, and the conclusions were a stretch

Rebecca Black is actually cool af, we all owe her an apology

working a job sucks cause you doing stuff! Ugh

They're not rocket scientists, so they don't argue with what he says. They -are- all gamers tho, so I wouldn't be so sure.

I'm sure it'll be so bad even his most staunch defenders won't come to it's rescue

If you ain't bonkin, you ain't gamin

TSwift makes music for people who are spiritually virgins