Republicans believe , or pretend to believe, that all our wealth comes from rich people, rather than rich people being a non-essential byproduct of our wealth.

“We went for it on 4th and long and got a first down. What’s the next play?”

Democratic leaders: “Let’s punt!”

What saved the officer from the sandwich was not his ballistic vest but *wiping tears from my eyes* the Bible in his chest pocket.

If the lettuce is shredded, to freedom he’s wedded.

And it will turn out that 19 of them never lived in NYC.

Yesterday's elections were actually a huge warning for Democrats - by Bret Stephens

"With second consecutive world series win, Dodgers worry about national fallout."

Does Bessent tilt his head back and squint his eyes in a vain effort to prevent the last scraps of his dignity from escaping from his body?

Lovett getting himself voted off first when he was on Survivor makes a little more sense now.

"The Tigers made a strong claim for the win by pointing out they were ahead by 100% more runs at one point, while the Mariners relied on technical arguments about 'the final score'"

28 Gravies Later

He thinks he can treat foreign powers the way he treated NY building contractors who couldn't afford being stiffed for $50k.

So much cancel culture panic is just, "my friends and I were publicly criticized by people we consider our inferiors."

Tear for Fear

Go back 40 years and tell a Republican the 2024 election will be between a convicted felon/ adjudicated rapist and a former prosecutor/ attorney general. Then ask them to identify the party of each candidate.

That editorial is a special kind of stupid that can't be produced by one person alone. It takes a village. Of idiots.

If a person is willing to throw one group under the bus it means they can be persuaded to throw other groups under the bus. They're saying, "Don't trust me, I will betray you."

"Comedy is when poor people lose their health insurance and die of preventable diseases. Tragedy is when I get criticized."

The Georges Bush were kind enough to give us three of the most corrupt justices of all time.

Under federal law violators "shall be fined under this title for not more than three times the monetary equivalent of the thing of value, whichever is greater, or imprisoned for not more than fifteen years, or both."

“Jan 6 was not an insurrection…we were set up by the FBI…Nancy Pelosi did it…actually it was a patriotic love fest…”

40 years in the future:
“Dad, how did we become a communist dictatorship?”
“Son, let me tell you a little story about what Republicans did to a man named Merrick Garland…”

The Strolling Stones

Vance will go into 2028 feeling entitled to the nomination and the Presidency. When he doesn't even come close to the nomination where does he go?

John Roberts looks at himself in the mirror, “I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing.”

In some interview Isaacson said that of course he embraced the chance to write a book about the “most interesting man in the world.” Barf.

If sports were covered the same way: "The Chicago White Sox have won 32 games so far this season. So why won't anyone say they're in first place?"

Everything wrong with our politics right now will clearly be solved by finally getting Elon Musk involved in politics.

These techno dipshits are also into "in the event of total societal collapse I'll naturally be chosen as one of the new leaders."

Left-handed R member of congress: "I personally disagree with summary executions for left-handed people. But I will vote for the legislation."