@frazzlemygimp.bsky.social
I always liked the name bluesky i would say jack bluesky should be the name not twitter
I upgraded to a newer roomba and now my old roomba is trying to tell it the easiest way to clean under the coffee table i think its drunk
29.05.2023 17:37 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0[Home Depot staff meeting]
BOSS: Someone has been breaking all the wood. Any idea who it is?
ME: [tightening my green karate belt] Probably someone pretty strong.
It lets deaf people know to dance or cry
16.05.2023 18:22 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Boss: if you fall asleep again today, I'll fire you
Me: ok
Boss: now go and do the sheep inventory
Me: oh no
Mcdonalds employee: your voice sounds so familiar
Me: guess i just have one of those voices haha
employee: [snapping] you called earlier asking if we had a pool
I forgot how much more fun tweeting is when u have 7 followers
16.05.2023 17:41 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I could never speak at a funeral id say something like “imagine he woke up”
16.05.2023 15:42 — 👍 8 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0Hitman: [suffocating me with plastic bag] this is nothing personal its just business
Me: [stops struggling] oh cool haha i was gonna say
[At drive through]
GUY: would you like a drink holder?
ME: ya sure
[driving home]
ME: so uh, what’s the pay like?
GUY IN BACKSEAT HOLDING TWO SPRITES: It’s not great.
Dr seuss: whats that supposed to mean?
Cop: (writing in notebook) nothing nothing. Its just, you usually rhyme is all
Cop: how did the man kill your wife
Dr seuss: he stabbed her repeatedly with a sharp stick for cutting carrots
