Sassyteach24

Most moods can be fixed with
a couple air fried hashbrowns.

Maturity is realizing that plates are stupid and everything should be eaten out of a bowl

The thing about Arby's is that you have to eat it within 6 minutes or it will go bad

Will trim nose hair for sex

I’ll bring my best grater

Only the best 😘

And heighgiouxgull for a girl.

Heygoogle would be a beautiful name for a boy.

Can’t right now I’m digging a moat around my heart

Microwave instructions should just be: Cook until you hear screaming or an explosion.

Me: [grows manly mustache]
World: oh hahahaha, no

Ah oui labubu!

*pushes weird doll aside and applies bandage to your knee, confident I understood your words*

Ooh spicy! 🌶️

Forget whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Let me sprinkle shredded cheese on you baby.

I took the high road today. Now I’m just stuck in traffic with regrets and a playlist of comebacks I should’ve used.

follow me for free samples

You can scramble my eggs if you wanna

No need for Dean Cain to wear a mask with ICE. It's been so long since he's been relevant, no one would recognize him anyway.

I’m sorry I can’t respond to you. I’m a one reply guy kind of girl

First date idea — I know an amazing street musician. I’ll distract him while you grab his tip hat and meet me at Chilis.

He’s a 10 but I’m a people-pleaser

🎶 I'll stop the world and eat cheese melts with you 🎶

Good 😏❤️

Recalculating… merge… slower…

You can’t have all the modern conveniences without the hum.

Ok that’s spooky, I was literally humming this song this morning!

I do my best GPS
impersonations
during sex.

looking at my toilet like "i'm about to do you a solid"

When you've been up all night remixing formats into some hilarious new familiar grooves, well shit. Just keep on nodding away in daydreams like two waka waka wooooolves agreeing with each other