macaulay bulkin’

Ten glorious years of a guy who has mostly been the president and always been the main character of American political life doing posts like this and everyone trying to figure out what cable news segment he saw, misunderstood in the way a dog might misunderstand a crossword, and made into policy.

1) going crazy fast in close quarters while wearing machetes
2) somebody could trip and fuck you up and then you wasted 4 years cuz some other idiot couldn’t keep his balance
3) you’re basically doing that thing where motorcyclaists drive around inside a ball

something I have determined after exactly 1 viewing experience is that to be a short track speed skater you have to be incredibly joker-level fucked up

“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it

it’s genuinely reassuring to me that this is the most miserable and paranoid person in the entire world

the democrats are the kinda people who would theatrically release Morbius a third time if they vould

after 50 years in the game she was still throwing absolute gas out of the bullpen on The Studio

Best in Show clip: "You're going to show Winky" on Make a GIF _premium

Catherine O’Hara was the fucking goat. Cookie Fleck is eternal to me. This walk should’ve made her immortal

makeagif.com/i/rV71fV

the day it happens should eventually be a flag day-tier national holiday. Like we would never give it a shred of reverence but it should be a thing where we go “haaaa remember?” every year and the tradition is to throw some piss on a representative totem if you can’t make it to the actual gravesite

Tom Homan looks like a guy whose sole thing is getting impotently angry at two of the Marx brothers torturing him at his lemonade stand

SPENCER: Spencer banana shake. Cookout Spencer flavor shake
SURBUR: No, Spencer. Don’t get a banana milkshake.
SPENCER: Good flavor good Spencer give beautiful Spencer deserve banana
SURBUR: there are better flavors. Banana is a bad choice.
SPENCER: jealousy surbur
@shutdownfullcast.bsky.social

Politics hasn't been this simple in a long time: do you think it's good for one man to exercise unchecked, arbitrary power or not. Those are the two available ideologies right now

1-877-Warz-4-Oil

Trinifather Chambliss

doing this but for POP TARTS

next year, we toast the patriarch, the Ur-Tart, unfrosted and dust-flavored

MORMONS SHALL TASTE THE SECULAR FLESH OF THE WILD BERRY

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

it’s all the blue avatars one of them is the dad and it’s Christmas time so I did a feliz navidad pun fuck you ok it’s fine you’re fine everyone’s fine

feliz na’vi dad

ok so y’know how muppet Christmas carol is one regular guy (Michael Caine) and all muppets

right so what about the other way, one muppet and everyone else is people. Reverse Muppet Christmas Carol starring beeker, is my point

“the cursed earth the Browns were built on” sneaking in there like a stan lee cameo

saw Skyscraper with like 20-30 friends and when the skyscraper first appeared we went absolutely nuts

Brian Kelly rehired effective immediately

My first call is to Jesse Minter.

eeeeeeeeeeeeee *deep inhale* eeeeeeyup.

the owns in the how do you solve a problem like maria song are fucking devastating

rfk jr moaning in olivia nuzzi's ear

Imagining Paul atreides charming the pants off of the baron harkonnen as a horrified guild watches on

incognito browsing: sneaky lookin’ at naughty vids
incog-neat-o browsing: sneaky lookin’ at cross sections of old boats

screenshot of a post from X by the Mirriam-Webster account. Their tweet says Words step up when numbers fail. They are retweeting a post from @david_arid that reads: There was a computer flitch at the end of tonight's Nuggets game that erased all the players' stats, which led to this fantastic screengrab from the post-game show. Then there is a blurry picture from a men's basketball game and the chyron says: Time Hardaway Jr. Stats are down but he played great."

I need "Stats are down but he played great" to make it into the lexicon.