Matt Oakley

“It’s time to show us your pork tenderloin and your plum cobblers.

Not you Greg”

The talked about this years ago. I wrote a sketch about it for Lewis Macleod and got the phrase “Stick it right up your farter you robot nonce” onto radio 4

CHARON!!! #ripozzy

“And that’s your second yellow card which means I have to give you a red card and you’ll be leaving the coach when we get to Malaga”

Thought this was an advert for Coach Trip for a second

2 out of 10. None of the songs from their #glastonbury set are on it.

Found the line up for todays Other Stage in a trolley at Asda #Glastonbury2025

Two new paintings I finished yesterday. “A Wide Open Space” #1 and #2. Available on my Etsy soon, message me if you’re interested.

“🎶 Looking back I could have played it differently…🎶”

Elton John seems to be using fewer and fewer vowels when he sings as time goes on. His new single is like the last round of Only Connect.

“I know him so well!”

#totp

Shameless plug but heres my painting called Boys of Summer #totp

mojocreativestudio.etsy.com/listing/1785...

“He gets up in the morning
He’s on his trampoline
He fancies a banana
He has a tangerine

Banana banana banana banana banana “

#totp

Released 30 years ago this week, David Fincher’s masterpiece, “Se7en”.

No more crap covers of our songs after May 23rd or they’re gonna get tossed. Peace and love!

The Seahorses are the only all-male band capable of giving birth to live young #totp

Worst pub quiz answers I’ve seen:

1.
Q: “Babka, Ciabatta and Brioche are all what?”
A: “Characters from Star Wars”

2.
Q: “What is the name of the lion in the Chronicles of Narnia?”
A: “Aswad”

3.
Q: “Who gave their name to the Lean, Mean, Grilling Machine”
A: George Formby

Ever wondered what Samuel L Jackson’s character in Pulp Fiction would’ve said if he’d had a Greggs vegan sausage roll instead of Big Kahuna burger?

“There’s no evidence that nominative determinism is a real thing” said the UK’s leading expert on the subject,
Paul Nominativedeterminism-Expert

Find someone who’s as happy to see you as this curry house waiter was to see this bloke he thought was Paul Weller #totp

Find someone who’s as happy to see you as this curry house waiter was to see this bloke he thought was Paul Weller #totp

Cheers! Just seems like they’ve missed a trick there. Probably a protected feature of X?

I’m new to tweeting along live on Bluesky. How do I follow the #totp hashtag so all my tweets or whatever they’re called on here automatically have that hashtag?

Sound the Dad Horn! #totp

Here’s Paul enjoying a lovely curry #totp

I worked in Argos in 1997 and the lack of Tellytubbies caused a mini riot. A customer drove from Solihull to Dudley to find we didn’t have Tinky Winky. He threw tuppence at my head. #TOTP

Have the forced Robson and Jerome to mate to create him? #totp

Come on Barbie let’s go party ah say let’s go party!

Every line in #StarWars can be improved by adding the words “you silly twat”.

Eg. “These are not the droids you’re looking for, you silly twat”.

“He’s my brother, you silly twat”

“Your tauntaun will freeze before the first marker,you silly twat”

#starwarsday2025 #starwarsday #MayThe4thwithYou