Ellis Weiner

Now would be a good time for people in the FBI to leak the most damning of the Epstein Files.

Hegseth, Patel, Bondi, and Noem are in a death match to see who can be the worst admininstration official of all time. But come on, you guys. You're ALL pretty.

Yes, Lindsay, I...I see...

Donald the Hutt.

Carol was told by her doctor that, regretfully, due to her age it would be necessary for her to install a bar in the wall of her shower.

Splitsville US CONFIDENTIAL The Doggedly Persistent Newsletter for Fans of THE SPLIT

One good use for those detention camps: to house their creators. Our latest:

thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...

It's funny because it's not funny.

This is idiotic on its face. As though Trump is capable of a) being entirely different in his speech tonight, and b) can continue to be someone else tomorrow and going forward.

It's like expecting pigs to fly EVERY DAY.

Analysis: Tonight's speech gives Donald Trump an opportunity to revitalize his failing presidency. To do so, he must not sound like Donald Trump, have the priorities of Donald Trump, or be Donald Trump. Joining us are three pundits with seven figure incomes who believe this might happen.

My bingo card contribution:

Yes, and the US is really a fascist country if you don't count all the people who want democracy. POLITICAL SCIENCE!

Yes--what in backyard touch football we used to call a "bullet."

SOTU?

STFU!

If we know what you mean and you think that we do.

Can somebody inform these idiots that getting on a plane and buying a beer are commercial transactions with private companies? And not interactions with the government?

YES PLEASE. These are five bull's eyes.

Bro is gonna be mayor for 9 terms

I'm actually glad you said that. I don't like thinking that pedophiles used stupid grade-school "code" to write to each other about such things in semi-public emails. It makes me feel like a crackpot.

It's not the prevalence of "pizza" that seems iffy to me. It's the accompanying "and grape soda." First, because ew. Second, how many adults correspond about grape soda? I will be shocked if it isn't code for something. I know Q-anon thought pizza meant "child," and they were nuts. Still...

DOJ Scrubs Record of Interviews With Trump Accuser From Epstein Files The FBI interviewed one of Jeffrey Epstein’s victims four times over her allegation that Donald Trump assaulted her when she was underage.

“The Trump DOJ is covering up Donald Trump’s pedophilia” is easily the biggest political scandal of my lifetime and it really feels essential that it be treated that way by Dems, the media, operatives, voters etc

Manifesting. All the Etsy witches, Antifa's Girlfriend, Gandalf and Radaghast, we are getting the band back together and gonna manifest like never before. I want this for us. The chaos gods who shape history love that sorta bookendy shit. Manifest, manifest, manifest.

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

Splitsville DONALD TRUMP HATES YOU The Grimly Determined Newsletter for Fans of THE SPLIT

We regret to inform you--OR DO WE?--that Donald Trump Hates You. Read all about it in our latest edition of Splitsville. Bonus: Fans of quantum mechanics will dig it the most.

thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...

Timeline Cleanse

Right on.

Josh Johnson destroying Elon Musk for begging Epstein to come to the pedo island is the funniest shit I’ve seen this morning.

Yikes isn't the word.

Musk's streak of posting the semi-smart musings of a 15-year-old remains unbroken.