Tanya

*puts entire United States in rice*

Sick of paying carnival prices for candy apples? Tonight we torch the fairgrounds.

At this point my retirement plan is spontaneous combustion.

Today I learned the Joshua tree is a yucca plant. Which describes my feeling about several other U2 albums.

i put on pants just like everyone else: mad that i have to

YouTube video by The Golden Circle Troy McClure — “Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly” and “Here Comes the Metric System”

Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly!"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=epsF...

I remember when this happened.

Today is my Monday.

The bed be my worst enemy in the morning, UNHAND ME YOU COMFORTABLE MF

AAAHHHHHH

In his effort to eliminate fresh water drinking America, citing high levels of toxins and commie sea monkeys, Bobby jr vows to personally visit every home in America and drop a gnarly deuce in your water main.

Now that all the llm companies have successfully stolen literally everything ever written, they're all pivoting hard to "let us surveill you 24/7 here put this camera on your face and wrist c'mon enter the panopticon"

you know it's actually taken a lot of effort to find such unhealthy options with so many dietary restrictions thank you for noticing

Happy birthday!

Dentist: have you been clenching your jaw lately?

Me: have you been reading the news lately?

took a trip down memory lane to my first investigative stories about Andrew Cuomo from more than 10 years ago when he was Democrats' golden boy and was being celebrated by media...what a ride, it was worth all the stress and the gray hair

no i don’t want to “hang out” i only want to be perceived two sentences at a time by strangers on the internet

stop, stop, tonight can only be so enjoyable

The Clown King and Other Stories of the Pre-Apocalypse|Paperback A teenage horror fan searches for the origins of a too-real, homemade slasher film. Two siblings inherit a statue that draws worshippers from around the world. A struggling restaurant's survival depen...

We're two weeks out from my first short story collection's publication date. Featuring vampire priests, talking cats, far-right fitness cults, and a different variety of "scary" clown.

I settle into the robo taxi. It scans my face and the sound system begins playing Devo.

Remember, if a post does not apply to you, you have to reply to let the person who posted it know.

NYPD investigating car bomb threat against mayoral candidate Mamdani Police in New York are investigating car bomb threats against Democratic mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani, according to a Thursday release from his campaign. Mamdani said a repeat caller has been l…

So, does he get a serious business security detail now because, well <waves arms around at everything>

Never in a million years will @nytpitchbot.bsky.social be able to top this. Cuomo's loss has @nytimes.com full out breaking down and decompensating

Get it, assholes? Schumer, Pelosi, Jeffries I'm talking to you. Newsom, you too. This is what defeats Republicans today. We are tired of watching our children struggle to have even half of what we do. We are tired of watching the fruit of our labor pissed away on billionaire's toys.

James: His critics said that he should wait his turn. His critics said that he did not have the experience. His critics said they did not have the right name. Well, now all of them know his god damn name.

Seems unfair that my eyesight started deteriorating at the same time I started birdwatching

I don't know who needs to hear this, but the only person who needs to like your stunning new gravy boat is you. Godspeed.