Tortured (R)Soul

Giving peace, love and kisses out to this whole stinking world.

But not to you, yeah you, you know what you did. Deal with it.

*randomly places a brussel sprout on your tl*

For a complete prick I'm actually not a bad guy.

Of course I live in the past, have you seen the present?

Society melts your brain

I'm not angry recently and I don't know who I am.
I know what I am without the anger, boring.... I'm boring as fuck.

He died doing what he loved: rollerblading into oncoming traffic.

So now I have some family again. After so long without anyone it is weird....but I think I'll get used to it. Well until they realise that I'm still an absolute arsehole and walk away.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I just farted

So why am I nervous about meeting my grand niece for the first time tomorrow? I don't do nervous.

Snoop Dog be sellin out for anyone with a jingle and a blank check

Them: Tits or ass?

Me: Someone who will hit me in the face with a shovel.

I'm not outraged today so I'm going to drink some more coffee and think about why.

Life becomes so much easier when you learn to find contentment in crushing disappointment.

But, I don't want to be the rational one. <pouting>

An ionizer, but to get the stench of your ex out

Eating salt water taffy..flavor unknown. Let's name it rancid.

drank too much last night and would have slept in but the neighbors lawn mower woke me up.

I was going to say something to him but he can just mow around me.

I said “hubba hubba“ when you bent over to clean up cat puke, please respond.

I want to go to Octoberfest but I really don’t want to be around a lot of people. The struggle is real.

Still haunted by the donut hole I dropped, rolled under my car seat & got away.

Of course, romance is dead. The internet killed wonder. With no wonder, there is no romance.

Why don’t Catholic Priests ever win any races?

They like to come in a little behind.

Well I'm off to bed now because,
A; it's past midnight here and
B; I'm pretty drunk.

Goodnight my new favourite weirdo.

Weird is the new cool. We're ahead of the curve.

You weirdo, why would you follow an idiot like me!?....
I genuinely didn't think you did, I should probably look better.

So how about a sympathy followback for a baby(murder clown) account.

Well then you've earned these for being fun and making me smile
😁😁😁😁

Shut the fuck up, I'm going to bed.
Oh yes that means you over there pulling faces. I fucking see you.... knock it off dipshit.

......OK. That is in no way confusing. And now I'm scared to use emojis in case a smiley face now means 'fuck you' or some other bad shit.