@alanstarzinski.bsky.social
actor, comedian, writer, and taller than @robertdowneyjr SAG-AFTRA (he/they) IG: @alanstarzinski
They call it Spirit Airlines because you’re dead inside after flying with them.
03.12.2025 20:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 02025 is my least favorite decade.
03.12.2025 16:19 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Junkyards exist because men procrastinate recycling.
20.08.2025 07:42 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait…
18.07.2025 10:17 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0You are such a beta loser. I hope all of the bad things in life happen to you and no one else.
21.06.2025 03:53 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Ugh. This wound is ABSCESSED with me!!!
18.06.2025 17:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Ugh. This wound is ABSCESSED with me!!!
18.06.2025 17:03 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Where is everyone going for their Conclave viewing party????
30.04.2025 02:32 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I can’t wait for all those bishops to blaze up who the new pope is.
23.04.2025 06:44 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
The toilet after @CoryBooker finished his speech.
02.04.2025 00:28 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0It should be said that @rachelzegler is a wonderful actress and it’s not her fault no one wants to see a movie with a wooden actor with a deficit of talent that is @GalGadot
26.03.2025 08:47 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0No one should play sports
25.03.2025 05:38 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0What if I have a problem with any gender playing sports?
25.03.2025 05:26 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0You want me to read the people’s subtext? You mean that thing that says I should leave?? No thanks!
20.03.2025 07:39 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0This can’t possibly be the BEST Western?!?!?
19.03.2025 04:35 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Most men don't realize the luxury we have that we can post instagram stories in real time without worrying if people are going to find out where we are and follow us there.
17.03.2025 21:54 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I hope this email finds you withered and clutching to your last threads of life wheezing each breath barely escapes from your lungs as you are praying you’ll be back to your once spry self so that I can tell you, it’s Vicky’s birthday and there is cake in the break room today.
11.03.2025 15:36 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Zelensky and Trump today:
01.03.2025 07:36 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Probably my least favorite neighborhood in NYC.
20.02.2025 21:36 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’m in the club currently watched videos.
16.02.2025 08:53 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Life was better when you couldn’t watch videos on the club.
16.02.2025 08:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
A MINOR
10.02.2025 01:52 — 👍 10642 🔁 1398 💬 220 📌 114Can’t believe they’re showing Drake’s funeral for the #SuperBowl halftime.
10.02.2025 01:15 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Me: Do I want BUTT or CREAM on my cake?
Baker: No, I asked if the icing y-
Me: Butt.
The Chicks (Dixie Chicks) are punk.
03.02.2025 01:31 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
A page with the title "LGB Travelers"
‼️ The State Department has REMOVED TQIA+ on their page of recommendations for queer travelers. This page yesterday said "LGBTQIA+" and now just says "LGB".
The federal government is trying to erase trans people from existence.
Oh, you think YOU’RE petty? You ever unfriend someone on VENMO? Yeah, we are not the same.
31.01.2025 00:49 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Before you even TRY to “Babygirl” me just know ONE thing… it will work.
30.01.2025 19:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I mean this in a sincere and genuinely curious way. Who gives a shit?
27.01.2025 03:53 — 👍 3 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0Win? Lose? Doesn’t matter, both are reason enough for Eagles fans to light their city on fire.
27.01.2025 09:29 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
