Who’s got time to write "Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor” in full, im just going to call him Mo-bat.

Although, to be fair, im never going to refer to him again.

Lookalike: Starmer and Trump / Lord Charles and Ray Alan

From the new Private Eye, out now.

After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all

he always had trouble with anti-virus measures

Every morning I take my Dog out for a walk and a poo, in the park..it's brilliant, she always barks to let me know if someone is coming. So I can quickly pull up my jeans and pretend I was looking for her ball...

Trump’s Greenland speech at the WEF except it’s the voice of Pingu

Beautiful timing.

Comic of two people meeting, one has the new name knocked out by blahaj taking up brain space Hi! My name is Jason Ah! Nice to meet you, Jason Say Jarvis, did you know Blåhaj's full name is "BLÅHAJ Soft toy, shark, 100 cm"?

Got my mind on blahaj and blahaj on my mind

Oscar patreon.com/berkeleymews

Surely Amorim doesn't survive this

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, was present at the end of the universe, having witnessed every black hole evaporate and every proton decay. Even so, Death would not come.

Commentatorballs: collecting the very best of the wisdom of pundits. These are all real quotes from real commentators.

Watch ‘An Evening with Private Eye 2025’ in full, on Private Eye’s YouTube channel now.

The ref just wanted to check how Miami-Texas A&M was going 😅

Neurologist here. Years ago one of our patients had a brief loss of consciousness. When he woke up, I told him it was 3 years later. Our head nurse added "and your wife has left you."

I want to tip the dustmen for Christmas, but have no idea how.
Do I tape coins to the bin lid? Stand at the end of the drive with a brown envelope ?

A tv mounted on the wall. The screen is completely destroyed with colored lines everywhere. The elf on the shelf hangs from the top and the cracks begins where his hands are.

Gave my husband elf duty one time.

In the post-truth era we live in, the fact a Muslim man risked his own life to protect Jewish lives is an inconvenience to those who seek to spread hate. And so the misinformation strategy begins to erase the name Ahmed al Ahmed from existence. Thus the invention of 'Edward Crabtree'

I saw Rose Ayling-Ellis on my train. There was an announcement that the train was delayed. Thought I'd be a good citizen and write the message down and passed it to her. It wasn't her. It was a very confused non deaf woman.

"Sir, the cat has done a second whoopsie on the carpet"

‘I don’t know if this is true’

Glorious, from a pal on FB

If only Ferenc Puskás was alive today to win the McTominay Award

Bending down to turn off a light switch??? 🤯 mine are all roughly head height, you must be gigantic

Just found this picture of me enjoying myself in the audience at a gig in 2008 or something. (He let me go shortly afterwards.)

I will shoot the northern lights with a gun and end them once and for all

As a TV licence payer I would like to give the BBC my permission to say fuck off to Trump.

You better hope Father Christmas is watching.