Jemma

The beginnings of a #linocut print design. This one will be a two-colour print, I’m feeling brave…

#art #printmaking

I have not

Doctor: Have you fallen down in the last 12 months?

Me: Do rabbit holes count?

I am only embarrassing in public when I leave my house

Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to get through this thing called lunch with my mom

if you see me smiling at my phone like an idiot in love, i’m probably looking at a restaurant menu

The mites just wrote "clean me" in the flakes of dead skin that cover my glasses.

Cryin

This is masculinity too

They say empty vessels make the loudest noise but what they don’t tell you is those same vessels also make wicked handy receptacles to carry your bologna loaf in

#Gaithersburg, #MD: 14y/o Zion Brady was last seen on August 8 at 5pm in the 400blk of Quince Orchard Road. She was wearing a tan sweatshirt, grey biker shorts, and pink Crocs.

Have you seen her?

Please SHARE to #HelpUsFindZionBrandy #ZionBrady #HelpUsFindUs

When @joshmankiewicz.bsky.social followed me on Twitter I bragged about it to my sister. She didn’t know who he was until I showed her a picture of him and then she was very impressed.

I miss the era of my life when Lisa Loeb followed me on Twitter. Anyone else have a case of the wistful 2019s?

Missed connections: you left behind a receipt for underwear that said "Panties Racing Green," an empty energy drink can, a black thong, your badge for nursing school left illegible from tire tracks, and some leaked antifreeze. I am both scared of and fascinated by you.

Sorry I'm late. I found the good tweezers.

Me: (birdwatching) ooo a brown one

Thank god

My downstairs neighbor’s cough is my constant companion

Ugh you hurt my feelings

The enemy of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy is Kevin Bacon

Screenshot from reddit r/OneOrangeBraincell u/9813_RD 19h Title: Our golden boy tag: searching for service 📶 Photo of an orange cat laying on a carpet. His front paws are tucked up by his face. He has a slightly derpy expression. There's a piece of cardboard on his head. Someone has drawn the golden ratio spiral over him and it fits really, really well

my god he's perfect

People on Facebook Marketplace: I want this, but can it be free?

Shout-out to all the peeps that always drew the sun in the corner of their pictures

I moved into my grandparents home and it’s surprising how I’m reconnecting with my younger self.

We had joy
We had fun
We ate wieners in a bun

Nothing more savage than the sister sidebar text

I use this trick on my people. They don’t like it so much.

The email server we use at work shows me if somebody opened the email we sent. And then if they tell me they didn’t get it, I can say, Well it looks like someone opened it Tuesday at 10:37pm on a mobile device while wearing pajamas with a hole in the armpit and watching a Friends rerun.

Wearing a gift shop sweatshirt associated with a toxic old job when a woman asked me where I got it. I told her. She excitedly said, I work there! I responded, Yeah, I worked there too. Her bright face looked expectantly at me. I paused and said, It was a long time ago. Then I film noired away.

I love this