BounceHouseWarrior

God I hate Coldplay so much

Oh mister sandman, give me a treat (bombombombom)
make it the yummiest that I’ll ever eat
(bombombombom)
Give it nice flavours like salty or sweet
(bombombombom)
Please stop putting sand in it, you keep putting sand in it

Shooting the Grinch point blank in the back of the head on a city sidewalk but successfully eluding capture because the words “stink”, “stank”, “stunk” are etched on the shell casings and everyone kind of gets it

My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?

Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord

Picture of me in a scrub cap and mask rolling my eyes at another gross man

My patient asked me to ride in his bed with him to the OR

I will not be hanging my coat on the rack with everyone else’s at work. No thank you. I will stuff that puffy bastard into my lunch box sized locker every day.

I love dating a theater dork. When we’re traveling and happen to see another couple more than once he tells me “they’re reusing the extras”

*sits bolt upright in bed* THE WICKED WITCH’S NAME WAS DING DONG

The Stare

New guidance from the future surgeon general just dropped.

something that gets lost in all the discussions about the effectiveness of various platforms and strategies for fighting back and reaching the people marinating in misinformation is that most folks just want to live their lives and make silly posts and not feel responsible for the state of the world

The hurricane that hit NC trashed a factory that produces IV fluid and I saw this near the ORs at work

the only thing i know about Twisted Tea is that it is a drink made primarily for people who litter

Alice and Stella say hello from the porch

Will Trent and Sarah on the case

On Wednesday, I tweeted an exhortation to mope for a few hours, yes, but then find a way to be of service to somebody—and a surprising number of people told me to shut the fuck up. That's okay, they're angry, and Twitter is the wrong place to suggest that people would feel better if they found something helpful to do. No one's on there because they want to feel better. But you wrote to me at least partly because you do want to feel better—not just because you need tips for staying sober, but because you suspect that staying sober might not be the thing that feels best right now. We both remember all too clearly how fucking good it used to feel, throwing up our hands and doing a shot and feeling the instant velvety warmth of checking-out settling over us like a thick blanket. It's not that the drunkenness itself always felt good. But the abdication of responsibility that drunkenness represents, that felt good, every time. Being drunk allows adults to turn back into children. Adults help, adults take care, adults find ways to be of service. Children and drunks stumble senseless through the world secure in their belief that, should anything happen to them, someone else is standing by with a Band-Aid and a kiss. So ask yourself which mode sounds better to you right now. Transmuting some of your grief into care and support, for yourself as well as your community? Or checking out?

‘dear rax, how am i supposed to stay sober in light of the news’
www.patreon.com/posts/115557...

This is brilliant: iOS 18.1 automatically reboots and sets your phone back to Before First Unlock (BFU) status after three days of it being locked. Most forensic imaging and cracking tools can only handle iPhones in AFU (after first unlock) status.

Still wild to me how the conservative vision of masculinity isn't just toxic, it's *only* the toxic parts. Zero sense of duty, responsibility, stoicism, manning up, taking things on the chin, protecting the weak, etc, etc.

Just endless whining, entitlement, and abuse of others.

I am seeing more and more opinions bubbling up about how throwing trans people to the wolves would be a winning strategy for Democrats, and I just want to quickly say: Fuck off with that absolute dog shit.

In case you wondered how old I am I left the tv playing and went in the other room then came back cause I heard a cool song I didn’t know and wanted to add it to my Spotify. My brother in Christ, it was a bleach commercial.

“so you agree that going back for the cat in the Alien movie might have been an extreme risk, but WHAT IF JONESY WAS A DOG?!”, I scream at my blind date as he begins to cry.

It’s an armored personnel carrier from the future—what Bladerunner would have driven

[Bladerunner at a gift shop trying to find one of those little license plates with his name on it] aww man

oh my fucking god. does he think it’s called blade runner cuz the guy’s name is blade runner

Scrooge, but wearing a hockey mask cos it's friday the 13th.

"You boy, what day is this??"

In-laws love our vacuum and sat on our couch for at least 20 minutes watching YouTube reviews

I’m impressed and also mad about how spicy this is

I was at the grocery store earlier and I almost bumped into a man. We did our polite “oop excuse me” and then he said “Great outfit” and kept walking

And then I flew home on a cloud 🥰