Davoid

Ok is this like a kitchen chair or something loungier? Are unsuspecting guests invited to sit in it

Jack Frost will nip at any exposed protuberance of the body

I wish that my monkey knew sign language
[several fingers on the monkey's paw curl]

I’m like why are we watching old videos of games from ‘20-‘21?

Tell it how cute the tail twitching is, make it madder

computer going to take my job? no. i’ll pour water on it

A sign atop a building that says Trans Gas PROPANE. Some razor wire is visible in front.

Bartertown may run on pig shit but Bluesky runs on

I poured you a mug of tuna juice, please respond

Ok I totally misunderstood what pool noodles were, my bad.

I hope the Y doesn’t mind the use of their pool

It should really only take 2 people to set me afloat on a raft made of wood pallets with a sparkler up my ass

What’s your “how can one album have so many bangers” album

What is truth? Anyone can say anything now and it’s true. I’m Charlton Heston.

it's Friday, motherfuckers. As such, retrieve your soul from under the wheel of commerce, it cannot be crushed for long. Remember who you are. The weekend is at hand

A close up of a Christmas tree featuring an ornament which is a small scale replica of the leg lamp from the film A Christmas Story. [a single fishnet-clad woman’s leg in a black high heel shoe, with a yellow lampshade/skirt at the top, black fringe hanging from it]

Hey, check out this ornament on our tree

Twat the night before Christmas?

Twas so tight before Christmas

The 12 lays 12 ways

People magazine screenshot, “Doctor Who supplied Matthew Perry ketamine - and called him moron - gets 30 months in prison”

I just can’t believe Doctor Who would do something like that.

YouTube video by mac glocky if Disturbed wrote "IT WASN'T ME" by Shaggy

Good opportunity to introduce this to anyone who is unfamiliar

youtu.be/69lK3RUiq-8?...

in the uk is it called meths

Someone tell me why it's a bad idea to use a pair of mini-fridges as nightstands

I was gonna do Wordle but I’ll think about this puzzle instead

You know who’s been n a weird amount of sci-fi? Tom
Cruise. Ok maybe it isn’t so weird

[making small talk with the sex robot afterward] can you juggle

Me [watching war movie]: I like this character. I hope he lives.

Character: *makes emotional speech about what he’ll do when he gets home from the war*

Me: Dammit.

Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you've seen:

-The Cars
-Ozzy
-The Cramps
-Orbital
-Perfume Genius

When I tell you to get out of my way I mean it, but nobody takes my car's wind chimes seriously.

Me: I just want to sleep!
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.

I thought three-bean casserole was a recipe and not a warning. I added a fourth bean. Oh, my blasphemy, my hubris! Dear lord, forgive me. I have unleashed the Balrog. They are called Legion for they are many. The Outer Gods and The Old Ones roam the earth. Oh cursed bean!