Fraeyalise

i’m not trying to come across as a guy who’s got it all figured out but, if the blair witch tried to make me stand facing a basement corner my first and immediate response is “blair witch, i’m not going to do that”

I was shocked at how bad the story was when I went back to it as a YA. If Nnedi Okorafor's Akata Witch had been written then I would have latched on the same way, the escape to another magical world where there was still education was too intoxicating for kid me 😂 and AW is actually good

WARDEN: and for your last meal?

ME: everlasting gobstopper

WARDEN: son of a

Angrily emailing burt because the lip balm i just ate tastes like artificial bees

Sleepy time bear

It's Friday night baby

Doodle of Rocky and fern saying “wa!”

wa

look, it doesn't matter if the night-night man isn't real. a number of voters have very real concerns that the night-night man is waiting under their beds ready to eat them as soon as mommy and daddy say night-night and you need to have a plan to address those concerns regardless

Standing perfectly still so I don't accidentally spend money

if i went to camptown racetrack and some lady sang doodah doodah to me i would lose my frickin mind

I feel like I am one bad morning away from wearing a barrel with suspenders to work

I think my couch is destroying my hips and lower back. I guess I'll sit down for a few minutes

They need BLOOD to lay eggs??? That's bs

Why were mosquitoes even invented

girl math is for amateurs. I’m practicing girl law (stealing things)

I’ve been so miserable lately I’m genuinely worried I’m at risk of losing my silly goose certification.

Sorry can’t. Blowing dandelion seeds all over my neighbours perfect lawn

the hottest type of girl is the sleepy girl (it’s me i’m sleepy)

'to smithereens' is an underutilized unit of measure

ME: ok then if you are not going to let me wish for more wishes then i am going to wish for you to change all of my baby’s diapers

GENIE: wait wait wait wait wait

I don’t care who won the Kentucky Derby, I just hope all the horsies had fun.

*godfather voice* You chose the day of my ovulation… to come in me?

just a "teach me how" girl in an "let me do it for you" world

SHAKESPEARE: to be or not to be, that is the question

SCHRÖDINGER: see this guy gets it

[reading your birth chart like it’s a resume]

My retirement plan is to observe and keep a log of the places where squirrels bury their acorns

dr: any preexisting conditions?
me: rage

bees produce a bunch of hooey if you ask me