discount gym antichrist

this ain't your little brother's cartoon. some of these people... are sad! woah the silly guy is actually depressed. never been seen before

every video essay creator is also a weird theatre nerd and I don't think those two things have to overlap

do people at Apple even use a fucking phone? or do they just blindly add features to iOS that they can show off at keynotes and whatever that will make people go "wow that's so specific I didn't know I needed that!"
I swear nothing is actually tested anymore

don't fucking name your kid Austin. have some compassion, the rest of the world has to deal with him

i wish Welven Da Great got a royalty every time someone landed a deez nuts joke

Big day today for everyone out there that celebrates years

I think a lot of people don’t really understand just how much risk there is in being a creative.

And I don’t mean that you're going to have terrible earning potential, or make time investment with minimal ROI

I mean that creatives are damaged by their craft in ways that takes something out of you.

I'm not good at anything. I dont do anything. I dont know anything. But I know this: Certain forces are out of control

there are really only two social classes and it's determined by if you have to manually adjust your car's clock for DST

while i'm always down to dunk on christian rap, i (unfortunately) had a super strict upbringing and listened to a lot of it.
Backbreakanomics by Mars Ill is (also unfortunately) actually pretty good as far as boom bap/east coast goes. i wish they weren't christian, some of those tracks actually hit

as a natural born alpha male, there’s nothing more threatening to my hypermasculine identity than other people being comfortable with themselves. it takes a lot of strength to be this scared

[entering a Five Guys]
what the heck there's like six-
*sees another guy*
-THERE'S LIKE SEVEN GUYS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

[egg factory]

me: six eggs hatched

boss: out of how many

me (has studied the first rule of egg counting): impossible to know

boss: good

it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. this is called a “compound exercise” and is the foundation of lifting.
sorry my face is more jacked than yours

Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.

A meme of a fox news headline that reads: China may be spying on you through your coffee maker, expert says. And then it says: experts say China already has reams of data on every American. Below that there's a conversation between a bearded blond man and a coffee maker. He says: anything I can do to help, just let me know And the coffee machine says thank you comrade (or has some chinese letters that I presume mean thank you)

NO more apps. Society has moved BEYOND the need for apps. Visit a WEBPAGE as God and Tim Berners-Lee INTENDED.

this has to be bait

im actually really looking forward to my spotify wrapped this year cause i had a bunch of obsessive song phases and i wanna know which one won

yeah, or Dickinson

wait a minute...

[horror music builds]

this is coomerbait...

...AND *I'M* THE COOMER

uhm for your information, my family upholds a long-standing tradition of marrying someone they fucking hate and then slowly building resentment to the point it becomes everyone else's problem. it's called culture.

i guess we'll never know the answer huh?
(this is a joke, it's clearly amazing)

what i love most about the Meta™️ suite of internet life-dehancing products is that everything is overrun with bots (or NPCs that might as well be bots) yet attempting to register an account to subject yourself to this misery is actively hostile to a new user. very cool and innovative

it's all so exceedingly dumb

i sure hope the stock market is doing okay. sometimes i lie awake at night picturing the line going up, so as to will it into reality. the stock market is Very Important for the world and definitely Real

why are you, as a man, getting a massage? from a chair or a person, it’s feminine behaviour. oh it “feels good”? yeah? you know what else feels good? getting pegged. like REALLY good. be a real man. grow up.