Bexber

What’s it like living with an ADHD husband?

I found dirty dishes in the back garden after asking him to clean the kitchen 3 days ago.

An epiphany where you suddenly see all the clutter that’s gathered around the edges of every room

I’m sorry, Doctor, but who isn’t experiencing a lot of stress at the moment?

Another classic girl dinner; chicken salad and two cocodamol.

A spider plant in a jute covered pot. It has just a few small wispy leaves

A variegated house plant with browning leaves and dying stems.

Show me the houseplants you’re desperately trying (and failing) to keep alive in a sense of delusional hope.

Saw a pigeon with a sore foot and it’s ruined my day.

Hope you recover, little pal.

Booooooo

I’ve never seen mob mentality until tonight. The host of the Disney pub quiz got the answer to question 1/40 wrong and lost the respect of all the ‘Disney adults’ in the room. It was savage.

Can I get my toddler deported? She’s tiny and she does crimes.

A day so long I feel like I’ve died and can feel my body decomposing

I’m very proud

I'm back to brushing my teeth more than once a day so yeah, you can say I've got one hell of a handle on my depression.

Toddler, misheard:
BITCH (bits)
BOOBIES (blueberries)
COCK (clock)

Finally got my PhD in Napping

Making myself two cups of tea just to feel something

Joker at sainsburys checkout. I was buying baby ibuprofen with my child.
Him: it’s check 25, are you over 25?
Me: I am *37* years old
Him: since when?
Me: 1987
Him: smile for me?
Me: I have no wrinkles I’m full of Botox. See 😯 I can’t raise my eyebrows!
Him: don’t overcook it *scans to approve*

Twice a week at bedtime I spray my bathroom with bleach to perpetuate the lie that I’m a domestic goddess. Work smart, not hard. And don’t inhale the fumes.

My aura is a black hole

My small child is adding to her collection of words. Today in the pub she bellowed “drink” at the wine fridge and the other day she looked at my husband and whispered “crumpet”.

“Hey siri, is there protein in double cream?”

The car in front of us at the McDonald’s drive through paid for our order. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Responsibly lining my stomach before a night of wine with hummus and pretzel thins.

My toxic trait is buying myself little treats when Christmas shopping for others. “One for you… two for me.”

A massive portion of loaded fries topped with the elements of Christmas dinner. Needs more gravy.

Forgot to report on the epic hangover. We cured it with ‘Christmas Chips’.
Oven chips topped with turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, cranberry sauce, sprouts and gravy.

What do you get when you mix 4 mums with 7 bottles of Prosecco and 2 bottles of red?

A hot mess.

Will report back on the hangover.

The GP surgery have lost my stool sample. I can’t believe I’m going to have to shit into a Tupperware AGAIN

Friends fear she’s on the mince pies again

Being humbled yet again by simply trying on new clothes

A red squirrel helping itself to nuts from a feeding station on our patio

I went to Center Parcs for a girls weekend with my pals and our kids. I booked it when I was pregnant.
It was a parenting marathon. I am deceased.
It was a nice idea and everything, but holy shit. Where’s my medal?!