GᵣₐbₜₕₑWₑₙₑₛₛ

feeling uncomfortable and anxious as a treat

I am not supposed to be awake yet. I still have over two more hours before my alarm *cusses out body*

Yes, to both the word, and the owner of the safe-word.

Please don’t tell me when I die.

I want to read about it on Bsky.

If you require perfection in your friends you won’t have any.

Puddy would fix me. And when I say puddy, I mean pudding.

Sorry I wrote your safe word on the side of the buttplug.

Random thought:

When writing erotica, can you fake the climax?

I slept with Doomkick and all I got was this stupid skeet written about me

Sunshine glints over the boats in Half Moon Bay, Auckland, with Rangitoto Island in the distance.

A bay of sunshine timeline cleanse.

I’m the type of person people seem to like giving their money to.

Maybe it’s because I’m wearing an ATM costume.

my daughter, "you have a hoodie on and on your phone, look at yourself!"

yeah, I've been roasted and she ain't wrong 🤣

manic pixie sticks should be a thing

red and yellow sunflower

🌻

Save time and energy by disappearing into a bog.

If you didn’t wanna hear about me sniffing my girlfriend’s panties, you shouldn’t have asked me what I’m up to tonight, Geoff.

murder me with cupcakes to make it look like a snaccident

That is not my clit, your honor

Been getting a lot of new followers (thanks Grilled Cheese 💜) so thought may be a good idea to reshare this , and as always let me know if you don't want to be on here!
go.bsky.app/MtAd9PJ

I vape like the villain smokes in Charlie’s Angels so it looks cool.

I’m not obsessed with food. It's just literally the only stable thing in my life, for fuck’s cake.

During a Zoom meeting today, I remembered hickies. Do you guys remember hickies? Back when love left marks and not just unread messages.

"Bluesky's dead”
- Bluesky: You wish. Also, tell your mom I said hi.

I'm out of playing cards, so using my testicles to make motorcycle noises with the spokes.

'Popped their clogs' is the best way I've ever heard of saying that someone died.

Please reserve this one for me.

Who up Starskying they Hutch?

By their very name crayfish are a little nuts.

I can't look Google in the eye because it knows too much about me.

Grimes be like if you took an amazing musician and fused them with an awful person

I’ve got a lot of nerve, but not as much as I should. Thanks, circumcision.