Selvaseelan Selvarajah

Dropped a tenner today and chased it for miles.

I never caught it but at least I had a good run for my money!

#dadjokes

Just spent 8 hours in A & E.

I fell off the roof at IKEA, and got my legs wedged in the sign.

#dadjokes

Dog Walkers.

Worst flavour of crisps, ever.

#dadjokes

I Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.

He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

#dadjokes

I’m thinking about starting a welding club if anyone wants to join...

#dadjokes

I'm giving up my Ballroom Dance Classes.

It just feels like one step forward and two steps back!

#dadjokes

I once worked as a mannequin in a clothing store.

I held that position for quite a long time.

#dadjokes

I've just been offered the lead role in a new movie about heavy metal.

#dadjokes

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was.

It was a complete guess but I was right.

#dadjokes

I failed a fire safety test at work.

When asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire, saying, “large fast ones” was wrong!

#dadjokes

To help to save the environment, I've stopped using Carrier Pigeons.

Now have bought a Pigeon for Life.

#dadjokes

Running into stationary objects can be painful according to a recent pole.

#dadjokes

I got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas.

I had to make every second count.

#dadjokes

My novelist friend is thinking about writing a book on allotments.

Just needs to find a decent plot.

#dadjokes

I saw a guy in Starbucks today ….No laptop, No tablet, No smartphone

Just sat there, drinking coffee. What a weirdo!!

#dadjokes

My dog wouldn’t fetch a frying pan I kept throwing.

It was a non stick.

#dadjokes

There is a nudist convention on in town this weekend.

I might go, if I have nothing on..

#dadjokes

This man stopped me in the street this morning and asked why I was carrying a 9 foot book?

Oh mate, “It's a long story".

#dadjokes

I once drove 100 miles through snow and ice to buy parts for my computer.

It was a hard drive.

#dadjokes

Police have warned that the man who stole a Stradivarius should not be approached.

He has a history of violins.

#dadjokes

Lots of towns have initials that are also abbreviations.

Take, East Grinstead for example.

#dadjokes

The husband and wife inventors of the brochure have sadly died.

RIP Pam Flett, and her husband, Lee.

#dadjokes

My first job was working at an orange juice factory, but I got canned.

Couldn't concentrate.

#dadjokes

My therapist just said me that I have a problem expressing my emotions.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

#dadjokes

I've joined the scarecrow appreciation society.

I was a bit apprehensive at first, but they welcomed me with open arms.

#dadjokes

The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died.

RIP Scott Chegg.

#dadjokes

Stealing clothes off a clothes line.

Been there done that, got the t-shirt.

#dadjokes

Did you know, that T-Shirt is actually an abbreviated version of Tyrannosaurus shirt?

Due to the short arms.

#dadjokes

If you're being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

#dadjokes

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and can't believe I'm no longer a Kleptomaniac .

I have to pinch myself.

#dadjokes