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bet being fractalized in a kaleidoscope or dispersed through a prism feels great for the light

Before you say you hate this timeline, keep in mind that there are still plenty of asteroids out there.

Am I a narcissist? Yes. But am I really really good at it? Also yes.

Me, seeing a celebrity: entertain me, peasant!

The world went to shit when songs stopped fading out at the end

Picture someone drunk trying to blow out a big three wick candle, that's how its going

I like playing post apocalyptic survival games because it's more optimistic than real life currently

Face your fears. Kiss them, gently. Stroke their hair, then start making out

What’s the protocol when a famous person likes a post of yours? Is it to show off in this manner? Hope so.

The inventor of pairs of trousers: “Tadah!”

The inventor of the trouser: “Motherf-”

"Eww gross, can I touch it?"

me, flirting

Girl

Let me break out the panini press today for a fancy grilled cheese

I refuse to participate in this timeline anymore.

donut: *exists*

me: so ... you have chosen death

I’m not like other girls

*has a mental breakdown in private*

I’m one reply away from being escorted off the premises.

starting to feel like it will never be the right day to stop sniffing glue

the pipi longstocking cinematic universe when

not having to work would be a lot more enjoyable without the intrusive thoughts

In my free time I enjoy finding weeping willow trees and complimenting them to cheer them up

that’s my load bearing hope

No no don't take it personally, I don't like anyone

Me, flirting

I always felt that the sport of skeleton needs more skeletons.

Why get a second opinion when you can get a 453rd opinion?

If you want the afternoon off work, you need only to put the coffee maker in the microwave for 8 minutes, and wait

~ ancient proverb

So anybody still doin the dry January thing or are u self medicating ur brains out like a normal person?

sweet jesus implies savory satan and umami buddha

Trying to fool myself into a better mood.

googling parenting issues and every year discovering my daughter has been the hardest age for nine years.

Can't believe people actually fought for the right to party