Danyool

Update: I'm never pan frying sausages again

I've never air fried sausages before, but that ends now

I can't edit it. I can't even delete it!

No, I'm just gonna have to live with this faux pas for the rest of my life

It's all been a bit much. I'm going to bed.

I just reviewed some samosas on a supermarket app, and the heading I put was "Nice and spicy". But after I submitted the review I realised that another reviewer had already used that heading, and I must've copied it without realising.

I might as well just walk into the sea right now

Just remembered that time when Elon replied to one of JK's tweets with something along the lines of "Hey there fellow Nazi, love your work, but could you maybe change the subject once in a while? It's hurting our numbers" Hahaha

I love whatsapp's live location feature. I'm waiting for a mate to pick me up, and he's letting me track his progress like he's an uber driver. It's very satisfying

Societal norms are always in flux, whereas my shitposting has been consistent in tone for years. Always there, like a mildly grubby handrail, helping to keep you steady in turbulent times

Okay so someone touched the bag and now there's no DLR service between Stratford and Canary Wharf

I declined the offer of a carrier bag at the supermarket, confident that I could fit it all in my rucksack. I've managed it, but if you so much as touch it it's gonna explode

Mmm, sundries

Was just talking to a colleague about an old job I had, and I said "But I haven't done that since 2010." And she said "Wow, that's like 9, 10 years ago!" 🤔

Yes. They have difficulty sending emails because we live in an ableist society

Probably due to feedback from mice and/or hamsters

Whoa, is that why Penfold in Danger Mouse is called Penfold?? Although their post box was a different model I think.

I'm not sure why you'd know the origin of Danger Mouse's sidekick's name, but I'm starting with you before widening my investigation

They're prostituting themselves for food/attention. If you indulge them you could be done for soliciting and spend up to 10 years in an Italian prison.

Which is slightly more favourable than returning to the UK, so feed and scritch away, and make sure a poliziotto sees.

But that'd mean quitting my jo- ok I'm in

I really need to put some WD40 on that office chair

Messing around with some Drop D tuning

Rough day at work, but Ocado are bringing me food later. Are they bringing me any goodies I can comfort-eat? Hell no, it's boring shit like tofu and cat food and a bag of mixed salad. Thanks a fucking bunch, past Danyool

You should say "Oh wait, you mean the brown immigrants. Gotcha."

Guitar's upside down m8

Get the lichen look

I assumed it was for camouflage purposes, but no, it's purely so they can attract a mate. It's a distinctive look, and I wish them incredibly well

Two male spectacled eiders in a pond, swimming from right to left. Their markings make them look a bit like stones with patches of moss growing on them

Same two male eiders, swimming to the right this time

A female spectacled eider, relaxing on the water's edge. She's various shades of mottled brown

Forgot to mention, I saw some Spectacled Eiders at WWT Arundel recently, and they're the best looking ducks I ever did see

Don't get me wrong, I can have a mature conversation about porn with my parents. But there comes a point when my mum switches gears, and that's when you need to bail out

a black and white photo of a man wearing a jacket and tie . Alt: Black and white footage of a man testing an ejector seat

My mum watched a programme about porn and now she's talking to me about porn

I fished it out and knocked the whisky back in one go, then rinsed the glass and poured myself another. It's what the moth would've wanted.

Stay frosty out there, Poddz

I poured myself a whisky, tended to something on the stove, picked up my whisky, and saw that a moth had flown into it and died.