Mattso

56 years ago today three men chiselled their names into the annals of history: Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and the other one.

Don’t wish to arouse but I’ve changed my stockings and dressings.

That SPOOKed me.

Went downhill after Bamber.

I need to nap because I’m well fat.

"where do you see yourself in ten years' time?"

This is where I post from

Yeah. It’s why I look sexy at all times.

We all beg to differ. You’ve got the face for lots of makeup x

I am going to have a motherfucking cup of peppermint tea.

#StopTalkingAboutEpstein.

He’d never be that cool.

YAAAAAAASSSS! Monday night quiz night is back on BBC2.

I’m up for anywhere with oysters tbh. I’ll keep you posted x

Agora. No idea on dates. I could be looking 6-8 weeks recovery.

I really wanna try oyster happy hour in Borough. £1 an oyster 6-8 I think. But probably FISH after or that restaurant you like.

We’re all going for dinner when I’m fit x

It’s made it worse tbh.

Can you give it a few weeks? Then maybe do it naked.

a man wearing a hat and a tank top is standing on a boat near the ocean . ALT: a man wearing a hat and a tank top is standing on a boat near the ocean .

Hello.

I reckon it’s because of the people.

Of course you will.

#Simpletons

a man is sitting in a chair with a blue pillow on his head . ALT: a man is sitting in a chair with a blue pillow on his head .

It was supposed to be a simple circumcision but the doctor said “I can’t operate. There’s no end to this prick”

That’s a picture. The telly was a decent size Tbf.

I’m ok thanks, Diddy x

Wasn’t a pleasant stay tbh.

a woman is laughing while looking at a man with her tongue out . ALT: a woman is laughing while looking at a man with her tongue out .

No female of the species here.

No, there was just a tv with streaming services.

It was up north.

He deserves 25 years in the electric chair for that last paragraph, alone.

They did. I’ll be speaking with a Scottish accent and selling scotch in no time.