Dan Cerinthedark

Air Butt: Nothin' in the Rulebook Says An Ass Can't Play Basketball

A mozzarella stick that maybe looks like Marge Simpson whistling

just got whistled at by a Marge Simpson cheese stick

yeha i love grubhub (overturning a rock and finding a bunch of grubs)

Asking the cashier what she thinks of the groceries I chose

son, we’re not disappointed, we’re just angry

bro the turtles were teenagers

Men keep asking me things on my posts like this is an interactive site

Shine bright like a diamond
(butt plug)

I don't think ghosts are real but I also don't think we are real so it kinda balances out

calling in sick with having been turned into a pillar of salt

i’m a disney adult (can’t have sex without mice watching me)

💚

it's a Jimmy eat world out there

[talking loudly on phone near group of teens] yeah doc says i’m too rizzed up. wants me to stop beansmaxxing but i won’t do it

Digital painting of a face in pinks, reds, white and black. The background is pink and the left eye is showing and bloodshot. There is a heart shape around the face.

Stoned Cupid 💘
Happy Valentine’s Day xoxoxo

Wake up chat let’s get laid today

Valentine's shmalentines how about murder mystery hibachi

A glory hole, but for giving strangers Valentine’s Day cards

A valentine with an image of corey taylor with the words: People=Shit but ur ok From: To:

🖤

I’d share my silly goose juice with you.

Snake venom is filled with collagen and electrolytes

I don't anthropomorphize everything in a lonely loneliness, I do it out of pure wait I gotta go, some dipshit object I brought to gratitude is cursing the day it "died"

My big natural venom sacs

I don't understand your haircut but it continues to speak to me in its incomprehensible tongue.

Rell, the cyclops from KRULL, with a caption in red, “I only have eye for you”

Happy birthday to Love

Two (2) weeks in the same pants – a love story

It’s important to look as dumb as possible so people won’t ask you shit

doing the motorcycle wave thing but it’s to another souper in the soup aisle

recently, my best, juiciest, and certainly my most faithful lover has been my morning naval orange

be like a bird and wake up screaming