crappystuffforjerks

That was my fantasy football name for quite some time.

A baby being held improperly and a baby being held properly (at the top of their head like the person's trying to unscrew a jar of pickles) caption: don't tell me how to lift my baby

Don't tell me how to lift my baby

I saw a mouse. It was exceedingly bold.
What kind of rodent runs around when a person is stomping about??
The kind that’s gonna gnaw on your face when you sleep. You can’t convince me otherwise.

I absolutely cannot rn. I love you both. @marygillis.bsky.social

Don’t steal jokes. It’s so easy not to.
What sort of satisfaction do you even get from that shit?

My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.

Can we start talking about the Sydney Sweeney ad again please? It took me a week but I’ve finally got a take that won’t make anyone yell at me

Sorry for getting serious on main

A tweet of mine from around this time was used in an ad campaign. Without my consent. And whatever- in the grand scheme of things it absolutely does not matter; the rise of AI and the intellectual theft it inevitably entails… it’s stupid. Wanting to own what’s mine. But I DO.

I don’t owe anyone this but it’s EXHAUSTING to be accused of theft when basically half of my online presence was calling people on their shit. The other half was sincere kindness. Just. Fine. Take it. It’s not mine anymore.

Someone please tell me what “previously mentioned reasons” he’s referring to. Better yet, smother me with a pillow. I don’t want to read this whole thing, but i absolutely have to.

Friends. I found this unhinged book at a friend’s house and I can’t stop reading it.
The comma placement is atrocious, but the sentiment? It’s worse.

Lmao. If California decided not to export the result of that labor? The country would be fucked.
Might be time to move back west.

(Also love to find you again, in a different place.)

I ate a bunch of mushrooms and went to see it knowing LITERALLY nothing about it.
I loved every second. And the jokes?? Jesus. I can’t remember the last time I was so enamored of a superhero movie.

I mean I’ll take it…

But what?

The Tony Joe White version is one of my absolute favorites.

Replying “UNSUBSCRIBE” to the family group chat keeps ‘em on their toes.

Hahahaha. I had a thing or two to say, a million years ago.

It’s currently 85 degrees inside my apartment. At 1:20 am. I have my a/c set to 62.

Please send cool thoughts my way. There’s a good chance I’m not gonna find sleep.

And I’ll say it again: Chet Holmgren has the most punchable face in the NBA.

Meh. That game…
You have to have more than one guy.

Lmao the way it works for almost everything.

I know.
But I’m still gonna be an insane person until this game is done.

Pacers beat the Knicks and the Bucks, and Haliburton played with a friend of mine… we have his jersey hanging in the bar I work in. I HAVE to pull for the Pacers…

I’m losing it.

Lmao ty so much. 💖

FUCK

For all of my friends who don’t understand Wisconsin weather… three days ago it was 60 degrees.

I know it’s Tuesday but come ON.
Why isn’t this re-sealable.