crappystuffforjerks

I was STARVING after work.
My boyfriend very kindly set about making me some eggs.
He set the plate down in front of me.
I just.
Look. I think most of us see scrambled eggs and we KNOW what they’re going to taste like, and it’s not honey.
It’s never one time been honey.
Tonight it was honey.

This level of stupidity genuinely frightens me.

(Did I eat a gummy? The world may never know.)

I genuinely think that if you examined the rise of pay-to-watch sports in relation to the width of the divide between liberals and conservatives you would at the very least find some correlations worth exploring.

(Ok. Two colons in one sentence is completely unhinged, and I apologize.)

All of those things used to be accessible to ANYONE with a television - which, yes: still a privilege, but please: just give me this- and that made them a unifying force.

At the very least, they were a topic of discussion in which most people were able to participate. 🧵

The way people in this bar were ready to riot because they couldn’t watch the first inning of the Brewers game…

Blacking sports out in local markets- making them accessible only through sites or channels you have to pay for- is absolute garbage.

Baseball. Football. Basketball… 🧵

#mlb

I'm happy to be alive but it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me

Imagine being angry that an artist you love made a record that celebrated their happiness.
Especially if you’ve been a fan of theirs for long enough that you’ve been a witness to their heartache.
Sorry that you want everyone to be miserable forever: feels like that’s on you.

It’s legitimately one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing.

Boil some water, love.
Turn on the grill.
It’ll take less time.

My boyfriend just asked me how long he should microwave corn… it took me a second to realize this man meant RAW corn.
On the cob.

Jokes aside, WHY IS SHE SHAVING STRAIGHT DOWN??? Is this a thing people do????

Also wtf. Leave me and my razor alone. I’m not going into the kitchen for a damn egg, man.

The way I was the definition of furrowed brow the entire time I was watching this 🤣

Sir…

Tom MacDonald – CHARLIE [Verse 1] / Shot down and he was barely thirty-one / Another woke coward took a life with a gun / He left behind a wife and a daughter and a son / All he did was try to speak for

Have you guys heard this? It’s batshit crazy.

genius.com/Tom-macdonal...

Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Is cereal soup?

Gah!! Thank you!!!

It’s just honest! I love seeing the work people do.

That much cuteness should be illegal.

Absolutely lovely. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️

This is incredible.

Love that when I try to Google something I’m confronted with an “ask AI” message. Like. Google is AI enough for me. Just. Let me have the answer. I don’t want to have to ask it of yet ANOTHER robot.

That is so calming. I love it.

What.
This is absolutely incredible!!

Happy belated birthday!! That’s a BEAUTIFUL photo.

Holy hell. I LOVE that!!

Obsessed. It’s so good.

So many 🤣