john freiler

just saw someone on here pretend to be unfamiliar with the phrase “hawk tuah.” having fun imagining a person who has too much dignity to know that phrase, but who also posts regularly on the “hourly updates on rfk jr’s ass-eating conquests” app

oh yeah i am for sure going to watch a three minute video where the sci-fi novelist who used to pretend to be asian does cultural analysis on a cartoon about waiting in line for coffee. i would not rather climb into a dishwasher and have it run on a heavy wash setting, than watch that

you know one of the teens is gonna die a gruesome violent death when freddy starts talking out of his butt

the “bank robbers” in the opening credits of batman the animated series are carrying no money when batman assaults them unprovoked. there’s no proof they were even in that bank

there’s an old la-z-boy recliner on the sidewalk with a sign that says “FREE - FULL OF SPIDERS” - appears to be in good condition otherwise

I’ve seen enough. It is time to arrest Jeffrey Epstein.

this looks like when you're 10 and reading a michael crichton book and you realize you're gonna have to get through like 60 straight pages of this before he gets back to the fucking dinosaurs

don’t confuse the years-long protection of a network of wealthy and govt-connected pedophiles with something big and bad, you guys. may cooler heads prevail here

there's a new letterboxd guy whose whole deal is utterly despising movies, even more than the last letterboxd guy who hates movies. they should make a separate letterboxd for people who are not approaching movies like matt yglesias posts they can quote tweet

there is more evidence linking donald trump to pedophilia than evidence linking ted bundy to serial murder

when that lion roars at the beginning of the movie, he's asking why you don't hear as much about woody allen anymore

i like edgar! just think he's a terrible fit for the material and i'm sour in general at the past decade of filmmakers sanding all the edges off of stephen king books

wait a minute. you're telling me the edgar wright running man adaptation is an annoying mess that squanders the grim satire of the book? the one where michael cera is doin super soaker pranks in the trailer?? i don't believe you

rip sally kirkland and her incredible acting style of "what if gena rowlands in a woman under the influence just wanted to party"

day two of everybody talking about joyce carol oates like she physically beheaded elon and didn’t just lightly suggest that he should see some movies. i could do another week of this, easy

[prerecorded video playing for arm & hammer ceo who just woke up in a saw trap]: hello. i want to play a game. your super scoop cat litter is "guaranteed" to clump for easy cleanup, yet every time i clean a litterbox i'm met with gluey clay. when the timer starts, the room will fill with cat urine

trump should just say that they're cancelling all those flights to protect people from boeing's planes. seems like a slam dunk

watching last night's snl. always weird when an athlete hosts the show, stumbling awkwardly through the dialogue, unable to sell the jokes. i'm not familiar with this guy - no idea what sport "miles teller" even plays

disappointed to see today's peacock marketing email claiming to be the home of the amityville series of films. they don't even have amityville vibrator on there

(immigration judge to border patrol commander wearing head-to-toe vintage 1933 hugo boss uniform): i respectfully request that you wear a body cam

just saw a commercial where a parent asks a child about the pillsbury doughboy, "is he always this extra?" and i have decided to develop a chemical weapon that will give the world population aphasia

what an unbelievably stupid idea. i would pay to see, at minimum, twelve of these

remember in like 2017 when you'd try to tell your lib parents that an OK hand sign or a glass of milk emoji was nazi symbology now and they'd look at you like u were a raving lunatic. the good old days

ok but how does the sump pump know what kind of peppercorns you’re feeding it

a conversation between bruce springsteen and jeremy allen white
BRUCE: one thing i don't get is why you guys don't price those italian beef sandwiches way higher. if you're that popular, you can really squeeze people.
JEREMY: does anyone want me to take off my shirt

pretending that robert altman's short cuts had a subplot about james spader waiting at the dmv. seeing how long i can go before someone calls me on it

couple months ago i saw one of my town’s 2 or 3 cybertrucks out on the road and i gave it a big thumbs down. as the driver passed me he gave me a thumbs up in response. these fucking morons can’t even flip people off right

peacock......what did you just say to me

needed a pick-me-up so i’m watching henry: portrait of a serial killer

scamming customers by asking for a debit pin # on all transactions so companies evade the processing fees sure seems like a crime. good thing it’s not every retail business in america doing it